l'Enveloppe

I am the guy that never gets things until the very end. Like the Matrix. I was waiting for "the one" to show up and be introduced as a new character. But he never came...until the sequel. Who knew it'd be Neo?!

About after a day has passed after I watched Sixth Sense, I finally understood why Haley Joel Osment could see Bruce Willis; it was cause he was dead!

That is however what gets me to this. America as well as the rest of the 'developed world' loves to push the envelope; yes, I'm slow. It is in everything we do. I guess that's what keeps it interesting, but eventually it'll hit a wall...like now. Pushing it to the limit, so to speak, has often led to revolutionary ways and improvements in terms of life.(Civil rights, woman's rights) Often being able to argue for these 'revolutionary' ideas puts you in a golden shower of praise because there's no way you can really logically argue against it without being a bigot. Except that season has now passed. People continue to look for things to push, but there is no where left for things to move.

I don't understand why homosexuals spend so much time trying to argue for their own rights for marriage, when they can have Civil Unions(Even though in certain states you can get married). So they have to spend a bit more money...than traditional marriages... and forgo a small bit of tax cuts and other stuff.

The infidelity rates for homosexuals is sky high, so they're unlikely to get married anyway. My point is not even focused on this, but I just wanted to point it out. When there are other things going on in the world like, North Korean refugees, every other African country, Chinese censorship, Chinese censorship, that small tidbit for gays seems so minor and the effort is undeserved when compared to those other crises.
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Why not have shows on regular TV with graphic sex? America is so tied up and prude! Kids have to know eventually.

When people say things like that, my eyes glaze over. These are usually the same people that give standing ovations to Requiem for a Dream on the fifth time watching it. Call me an escapist, but I like my movies to bring me some kind of joy. If I want knowledge, I'll watch documentaries. To see the real world, I'll read BBC and the local news. And if I want to be challenged to think; I'll read the Bible and other spiritual mojo. I don't want to see some indie-graphic, cult classic that in reality sucks, cause you wouldn't watch it with your mother.

Don't get me wrong. It was well made, in terms of artistic talent(writing, directing, lighting). But I don't care, at all. It's like putting poop into a cake mix. Might have been the best tasting thing in the world since Manna, but in it is a bunch of shi*boop*.

This post has deviated from the original topic. I actually wanted to talk about a fresh new movie that was at the Cannes Film Festival. It's also called, Antichrist, despite having nothing to do with the Antichrist or explain it in the movie. A real winner. I'll just leave this out there... as an intro.

The film has also come under attack for its explicit and often disturbing sexuality, including the opening scene showing a toddler falling to its death while He and She have sex on the bed nearby. The film has also invited controversy for its graphic sexual violence. In one controversial scene, She hits His testicles with a wooden plank so hard that it is implied they are crushed...

I just can't believe it won anything even if the actress was awesome(which is what it won). I almost can't believe it was shown, either. The thing that gets me the most is I bet there was some Indie McIndie-douche bag wearing a beret with thick black framed glasses that gave it a standing ovation for five minutes. And then he went home to blog about how great it was.
I should just make a movie of myself dropping a deuce and turn it into a film festival, and I bet that same guy would think it's awesome. And I'd win best actor.

Man, I think I'd be pretty good at smashing testicles with wooden planks too, maybe I should get in on the sequel.

UPDATED: The movie actually gets worse I just censored it because of Twig. Thanks for the heads up though, Twig.

Mon Dieu

There goes not a day when I am behind the wheel in which a fellow motorist would pass me immediately after driving behind me for three seconds. They would then proceed to signal switching, pass me and then go in front of me with their hand outside their window with their middle finger firmly posted up.

However a few nights ago that was not the case. After chilling out at Braums for about two hours I had pigged out on two double dip cones for four dollars. Being lactose intolerant, ice cream has a strange random factor to it in the relationship between the toilet and my butt. Sometimes it'll be a regular anaconda. Sometimes it would be like a rapid fire vulcan cannon from an Apache Helicopter. So about another hour after that, I really had to drop a deuce. So, I was smashing my accelerator through the floor of my car to go home. After stopping at every red light and crying out to Jesus, I finally made it back in time.

Now that I think about it. There has never been a time where my cries to the Lord have been unanswered. Actual, physical cries. Cries from my mouth, in which are usually followed by a train of profanity and expletives describing my situation. The direness of the situations are subjective. However, to me they were the most dire of dire events.

Psalm 22:5(NIV)
⁵ They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

There was another time within last summer that there was a similar situation. I skateboarded to the park to work out on the playground since I'm too lazy to drive to school...even though it's like ten minutes away...if I hit every stoplight.

So, I was at the playground alternating between dips and pull ups. However, I was breathing incorrectly, and I did not realize it until I just finished... I started seeing blue spots and had trouble breathing. That's when it hit me. I had to go to the bathroom, and it would be an upside down volcanic session.

So I forced myself onto my skateboard and pushed about four times before I nearly collapsed and laid on the side of the sidewalk. Fully under the impression that my death was imminent I did not want anyone to know I crapped my pants messily right before then. This was a delicate operation. I couldn't wait too long or I'd deuce my pants. If I pushed too hard, I would faint and then decorate my pants with shi*boop*. A balance to achieve neither from above was required but was a must.

So I prayed to God, with all my might, did a man-roar to God and tore my clothes. I clenched my butt together to prevent any eruptions. I got on my skateboard and pushed about another eight times before I collapsed once again. I shaved my head with grief, said another prayer and pushed about another four times and collapsed. I got on my skateboard and poured oil over my head and skated one last time to collapse in the grass of my front lawn and just waited.

Coincidentally, my dad was working on the roof that day and saw me. After staring at me peculiarly, he went back to hammering. Practically kicking every door in on my way to the toilet I sat on my throne and let myself reign.