If I asked myself at the age of 16 what I would be like at age 22 I would have said these things...
- With Child. (Accidental)
- Widowed. (Intentional...JK)
- Married.
- Have lots of weapons.
- Really ripped with tattoos/ear rings.
- Not in the states.
- Tight with my families.
But I can proudly and shamefully say I am and have none of those. If there was a zombie invasion I probably wouldn't live. I don't know how to survive in the wilderness. I have almost zero home maintenance and auto-mechanic knowledge. I don't play any instruments or sports. I am far from the man I want to be. But that in a nut shell was not the real problem. A lesson I learned long ago that never made sense has been coming back.
Before you can take care of yourself you have to look to the Lord. Look to the Lord and he will give you all your heart's desire. Or something like that... I have come far from low self esteem to super narcissism where I can't stand for things to not be about me.
Shouldn't Rec Week have been about improving my spirituality?
Shouldn't it have been about making me better and giving me guidance so I could get my 16 year old aspirations?
--Nope. Well yes, but mostly no. How do I make my life more about Jesus? Bringing glory to him, being in love with him and spreading his love 'like Johnny Appleseed' are supposed to be the staple. But like radiation to affecting ordinary people, results may differ. The super human powers are different each time. Strength/Agility/Telepathy...throwing explosive cards. Anyways. How that looks in everyone's lives will be different and that's what makes it hard to find out what it is for ourselves individually.
So what's there to do? Nothing but pray. Prayer is like the aphrodisiacs you give your spouse during dinner/pre bedtime. Kind of a chore to buy the chocolates/clams but you don't want to leave it out. Then you forget to give them any credit when it works. And you only go to the trouble when there has been an incredible dusty dry storm that few from the Great Depression will ever remember.
First off, I must apologize. I feel like lately I have abandoned the few loyal readers I still had. Even worse, they were faced with the same lame articles for weeks!
Recently I was at Rec Week (Christian Retreat) and learned quite a bit...
Besides a summary of most of the Old Testament and comparisons to modern day soap operas I also learned a bit of myself.
1. I don't like it when things are too happy.
- Ever since I was little conflict was always in my life. Whether it was between my mom and my dad, me and my bro, me and peers, the noise of conflict was always soothing. Instead of white noise machines, and recordings of beaches, I prefer to listen to blood curling battle scenes from Gladiator, Saving Private Ryan, and random episodes of Jerry Springer. On loop is the only way to watch these things of course.
So what do I do when that happens? I have to stop it! I have to disrupt it... I think this happens a lot even in my friendships with guys and especially with girls. Every compliment I gave had to be followed by two severe disses.
George: Hey, sweet shoes!
Girl: What?--Really?! Thanks. I got them off (Website).
Girl: ::Smiles:: They had so many colors I regretted buying these for awhile...
George: Uhh.... Well. You should do your hair differently and not wear that dress anymore.
Girl: What!.. Why?
George: I think your forehead is too small to pull off the lots of bangs look... and this dress is not doing your body justice.
Girl: ... Thanks?
George: Yep.
And with guys.
Guy: Sup George?! How are you?
George: What, fag?!
So I think it's something to work on. Like if I have time... It's probably not that important.
2. I have soft hands.
- I must have gotten like ten splinters in my hands from random anythings... There was wood everywhere; what the hell! I was dribbling a basketball(Shocking, I know.) and I got a splinter. I caught a football and got another. Okay I didn't catch it, but when I picked it off the ground, it was like I squeezed a cactus made of wood.
3. I am grumpy when I am woken up from any nap/sleep.
- I remember used to living on campus and one time during a nap my roommate poked his head in and started to talk to me.
Roommate: Hey George, we're going to Wendy's, you want us to get you any foo--
George: SHUT UP FAGGOT!!!
