No Fun

In elementary school, I wished I was white. White girls were hotter (probably since I hardly ever saw any Asians except the late Trini Kwan). There was a white girl named Stephanie that I thought was hot. We were good friends and I would get fresh with her all the time but for some reason I thought since I was Asian, it was like, impossible to git-git-git with her. Like, physically, impossible. It was like they had a square, and I had a sphere. And it didn't fit. We were both geometric shapes, but we could not interact.

There were only about 4 other Asians in my grade and we were discriminated against often. But it all changed in Middle School/Junior High. Mexicans, Blacks and other minorities came on the scene and it was good to have enemies of my enemies. Soon it was white-boy this, white-boy that. Blacks and Whites would fight, then Mexicans on Mexicans, Blacks and Mexicans and it went on. I was a minority and because of that, I was automatically inducted in to the against-white-bois club. No one teased me when I danced or expressively enjoyed rap/hip hop/r&b, because I wasn't white.

While my best friends were all white, it was easy to hold the rest of the race in spite, even though I was in the company of the coolest cats.

Now as I'm in my senior year of college, white privilege is still alive and well, but it's tiring to think about. It's old. It seems like white people are now allowed to enjoy hip hop/rap/r&b without too much whiplash from the African-American sects. The next president is probably Obama, in a few years white people will become the minority, it would seem like the "fight" is over. Except white people will still command most of the wealth of the country. They will be in the tallest buildings with the newest iPods and Nintendo DS's while segwaying somewhere where I hope they will hurt themselves.

It's not fun to discriminate against them anymore. I now enjoy more than ever before the derrtty Southern culture, our hospitality, the crosses on our backs, our cowboy boots, outdoor barbecues and pick up trucks. The racial undertones only adds to the flavor of the South. Maybe I can say all this so proudly because I live in a suburban Dallas... But anyways. The race wars is over, and replaced by class wars. The gap between the richest and poorest grow further even in America. And it only gets worse around the world. Just don't get me started on Yellow Fever.

Racism has always been kind of like the cool thing for me. Of course I don't approve of it and I find it to be one of the most ridiculous institutions, ever. But it interests me to know the history behind the hate. We were all taught to hate something, at sometime(If you're Asian). And I like to know why... Armenian Genocide, Rape of Nanjing, Holocaust, Hutus and Tutsis, Empress Myeongseong's murder/rape, Destruction of Native Americans/Trail of Tears, Hindus in Pakistan, Russians and Germans during WW2, and the list goes on and on.

Guilty Pleasure

Lately I have been feeling disappointed. A good friend told me lately, a lot of your posts are pretty debbie-downers. It's true. This year has been unlucky and by crediting it with my misfortunes it only seems to be feeding the opposing abyss, like fire fighters spraying gasoline from their high powered hoses onto a burning house.

Even for simple errands, I think of worst case scenarios and end up having plan B's and C's. And often times have to execute Plan D. To list/rant about them would just be giving them too much credit.
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It is a guilty pleasure if you will. I wait until all the members of my family leave the house, close the blinds, close the door to my room, take off my shirt, get the material out from a drawer and make sure no one is around before I...read. And then when people come home they bust open the door, I fumble around, throwing the book in my drawer, slamming it, rustling papers frantically, and people become suspicious of other activities.

Mother: What...were you uhh...doing?
Me: Nothin, you know... just, lookin'...doing homework.
Mother: Why are you...shirtless?
Me: It's hot.
Mother: It's like 70 degrees...
Me: I just took a shower...
Mother: How come your hair is dry?
Me: I didn't wash it today... I wore a shower cap.
Mother: I didn't know you had one, why are you in the same clothes as earli---
Me: You know what, Mom... I got a test tomorrow, I really need to study.
Mother: I see... well there's food in the fridge...

For a class I have been forced to read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I have finished the first book by listening to about 1/5th of it on audio books, reading 1/5 of it in chapter summaries and then just straight up reading the rest of the 60% of the book. And it is has been a joy in my life, no joke. I feel so nerdy busting a nut thinking this is like the best book since the Bible and The Little Blue Truck. It has soOo many Biblical themes...

Falling into temptation
Knowing your own weaknesses
Humility
Resisting/fleeing temptation
Using the weak to lead the strong
Sacrifice of yourself for your friends
Doing what you must for the greater good
Unconditional love/loyalty
Redemption
You vs the World
Serving 2 Masters
Twisting what has already been created

My annual limit of reading is about a book per year... And I always catch myself asking people what's a library..? what's a read..? So reading is infrequent for me. When people know you read books, they expect you to know things and have an excellent command of the English language, which I have all failed to live up to, a lot. Stopping people midway into their stories to ask what they are alluding to, what a word means, etc... And the bitter taste of these humility sandwiches are as nasty as black jellybeans, the originals.

Friend: Hey George you want to go eat right now?
Me: Nah I uhh... I got to uhh... water my lawn
Friend: Oh, what? Didn't you water it a few days ago?
Me: Yeah, it's real thirsty.

Socially I am in decline, because I secretively read...all day, all night.

Story Dump Trois

Lately things have been pretty busy, and I am a week behind on this...
This is a conversation I had prior to Taiwan, with a friend of mine.

Me: LOL
Chad: ?
Me: i never thought that something like this'd happen to me.
Me: okay, so today i was supposed to take my final for my music appreciation class, cause i'm leaving wednesday for taiwan
Me: which is like... 2-3 weeks earlier than everyone else
Me: and i just took my midterm, thursday
Chad: lol
Me: and there's no school on fridays
Me: so i had to learn 16 chapters on my own, so i filled out my study guide, with wikipedia/bs'ing/accumulated power point notes in notepad form...

Me: i emailed my answers to her on sunday, so she could check them
Me: she never got back to me, she was expecting it in WebCT
Chad: haha
Me: but i sent it to her real email...so i go in today, we find out why neither of us got our emails, and she checks my answers on the spot
Me: at the end of class
Me: i'm expecting to take my final
Me: she gives a final spiel on what remains of the class
Me: and then is like, what i've seen from your study guide
Me: will count as your final
Me: have a nice trip. i enjoyed having you in my class.
Chad: ...
Chad: I hate you
Chad: I had heart surgery and my teacher's making me take my test
Me: LOL
Chad: you get to go on a fun vacation

He actually had heart surgery and is fully recovered. God Bless him.
Later I checked to see my grade, and I got an A...not that it transfers into my school, but it is an awesome gesture.