Apprendre Deux

If I asked myself at the age of 16 what I would be like at age 22 I would have said these things...

• With Child. (Accidental)
• Widowed. (Intentional...JK)
• Married.
• Have lots of weapons.
  
• Really ripped with tattoos/ear rings.
• Not in the states.
• Tight with my families.

But I can proudly and shamefully say I am and have none of those. If there was a zombie invasion I probably wouldn't live. I don't know how to survive in the wilderness. I have almost zero home maintenance and auto-mechanic knowledge. I don't play any instruments or sports. I am far from the man I want to be. But that in a nut shell was not the real problem. A lesson I learned long ago that never made sense has been coming back.

Before you can take care of yourself you have to look to the Lord. Look to the Lord and he will give you all your heart's desire. Or something like that... I have come far from low self esteem to super narcissism where I can't stand for things to not be about me.

Shouldn't Rec Week have been about improving my spirituality?

Shouldn't it have been about making me better and giving me guidance so I could get my 16 year old aspirations?

--Nope. Well yes, but mostly no. How do I make my life more about Jesus? Bringing glory to him, being in love with him and spreading his love 'like Johnny Appleseed' are supposed to be the staple. But like radiation to affecting ordinary people, results may differ. The super human powers are different each time. Strength/Agility/Telepathy...throwing explosive cards. Anyways. How that looks in everyone's lives will be different and that's what makes it hard to find out what it is for ourselves individually.

So what's there to do? Nothing but pray. Prayer is like the aphrodisiacs you give your spouse during dinner/pre bedtime. Kind of a chore to buy the chocolates/clams but you don't want to leave it out. Then you forget to give them any credit when it works. And you only go to the trouble when there has been an incredible dusty dry storm that few from the Great Depression will ever remember.