Guilty Pleasure

Lately I have been feeling disappointed. A good friend told me lately, a lot of your posts are pretty debbie-downers. It's true. This year has been unlucky and by crediting it with my misfortunes it only seems to be feeding the opposing abyss, like fire fighters spraying gasoline from their high powered hoses onto a burning house.

Even for simple errands, I think of worst case scenarios and end up having plan B's and C's. And often times have to execute Plan D. To list/rant about them would just be giving them too much credit.
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It is a guilty pleasure if you will. I wait until all the members of my family leave the house, close the blinds, close the door to my room, take off my shirt, get the material out from a drawer and make sure no one is around before I...read. And then when people come home they bust open the door, I fumble around, throwing the book in my drawer, slamming it, rustling papers frantically, and people become suspicious of other activities.

Mother: What...were you uhh...doing?
Me: Nothin, you know... just, lookin'...doing homework.
Mother: Why are you...shirtless?
Me: It's hot.
Mother: It's like 70 degrees...
Me: I just took a shower...
Mother: How come your hair is dry?
Me: I didn't wash it today... I wore a shower cap.
Mother: I didn't know you had one, why are you in the same clothes as earli---
Me: You know what, Mom... I got a test tomorrow, I really need to study.
Mother: I see... well there's food in the fridge...

For a class I have been forced to read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I have finished the first book by listening to about 1/5th of it on audio books, reading 1/5 of it in chapter summaries and then just straight up reading the rest of the 60% of the book. And it is has been a joy in my life, no joke. I feel so nerdy busting a nut thinking this is like the best book since the Bible and The Little Blue Truck. It has soOo many Biblical themes...

Falling into temptation
Knowing your own weaknesses
Humility
Resisting/fleeing temptation
Using the weak to lead the strong
Sacrifice of yourself for your friends
Doing what you must for the greater good
Unconditional love/loyalty
Redemption
You vs the World
Serving 2 Masters
Twisting what has already been created

My annual limit of reading is about a book per year... And I always catch myself asking people what's a library..? what's a read..? So reading is infrequent for me. When people know you read books, they expect you to know things and have an excellent command of the English language, which I have all failed to live up to, a lot. Stopping people midway into their stories to ask what they are alluding to, what a word means, etc... And the bitter taste of these humility sandwiches are as nasty as black jellybeans, the originals.

Friend: Hey George you want to go eat right now?
Me: Nah I uhh... I got to uhh... water my lawn
Friend: Oh, what? Didn't you water it a few days ago?
Me: Yeah, it's real thirsty.

Socially I am in decline, because I secretively read...all day, all night.