Curious Curious George

dib

2011-12-10T00:03:00.000-08:00

dib.

I'm ditchin this place, it's been nice and there's no particular reason I am either.

ywam 3

2011-05-15T03:28:00.001-07:00

2 dollar breakfast for a week.

To Daniel Lu: I'm sorry I've ever doubted any of your ideas. Everything I've ever laughed at that you have came up with have developed into big hits. I encourage you to delve on anything you feel is awesome...

ywam 2

2011-04-08T06:49:00.000-07:00

The man on the right, through his manliness has produced overwhelming testosterone which in return has taken his hair, is Martin. One of my new heroes... He is one of the many 'foreigners' in YWAM Taipei. He is British, and has a doctorate from Japan, in Japanese and knows over eight languages. As you guys know all our classes and activities are dual language, so there is alwaysa translator.

There are quite a few white people here that are on staff that have better Mandarin than I do, humbling and discouraging at the same time. I think as a Taiwanese American there are some advantages of that... There are so many times the translators translate things different on purpose for jokes that just leave me incredulous. All of the translators just do it without flinching as if that was really what they were saying.

For Example: Every time any speaker would compliment Martin, he would always leave it out, or just use a pronoun in place of himself. People have caught on when they hear the speaker say his name and he just omits it.

One of my team members freshly baptized, at the once-a-month-large group The Rock Church.

Rejoice with the heavens!

I go to a cell church, that is produced by The Rock(coffee bar owned by YWAM) with a target at native Taiwanese.

ywam 1

2011-04-08T04:44:00.000-07:00

I am usually one of the haters. But whether because of age or the staff of YWAM being cool, I really appreciate them, particularly the ones that teach.

Cathy was teaching us for a few days on Evangelism. She probably spends at least 10 hours a week evangelizing talking to and meeting strangers. Her heart for the lost was so inspiring. She had a Power Point presentation and talking about her sisters... and I thought she was just sharing her life with us...But as the story went on, it was about her visiting her sisters at Taipei 101, one of the kids went missing. And how they searched and searched from each floor...and then finally found him.

Then she was like, do you think our Family would've been the same if we lost him?
If we could continue to have a good time in the future?

--At first I was like...this a trick question? Then she surprised us(me) all when she was like,

No. Like when the shepherd loses his sheep, he will leave the 99 others and rejoices even more when he finds the lost one. That's what Evangelism is. We are finding our family. And she was just crying as she said these things...

Then as my Principal went up to close, her voice wavered heavily as she finished crying... Then they played a video, Thank God...cause I was about to lose it, as well.

That's when it hit me. For many of these brothers and sisters in Christ, they are the first believers in their family. And they take on a great burden with Jesus, I often am too even scared to look at...their own blood family.

généreux

2011-03-17T03:47:00.000-07:00

Recently and often I hear statistics quoted about America that really makes me wonder.

Family sizes have shrank by 50%, but houses have increased in size by 40%. The world actually has enough food to provide all the people living on it...but many die each day from starvation. It'd only take 10 billion dollars so that clean water is easily accessible...yet Americans spent more than 450 billion on Christmas this past winter.

Lately, I've been having a humanitarian/philanthropy phase. I think about how God would think of America as a whole and me individually. As children we have all the best toys and clothes. Yet our brothers, in Africa, India, and China have the best broken glass bottles and burning tires. When we hoard most of the wealth in the world, how will he hold us accountable for what we do or don't do...

Thinking about this has kind of made me despise myself and others... and reminds me of good works, legalism, pride, and what I can do, what I can bring...When it should be how does God feel about this; how does God want me to respond...

I find myself trying not to judge others with what God has blessed them with. When I see people spending a lot of money on things I don't feel particular important it's easy for me to think they have committed a heinous crime. I think of them as people who would go on vacation and harpoon dolphins with giant rusty pitch sporks. Or people who pariticipate in the competitive eating of puppies and kittens. Or those who dislike the grilled stuffed burrito.

It's not about how much we give, but how we worship Jesus through our giving and praying. How we give until we are satisfied, whether it sacrifices much or little of us. A giving not just out of obedience but of joy and contentment.

fierté

2011-01-18T00:16:00.000-08:00

Chronological snobbery a term coined by C.S. Lewis, is describing the erroneous argument that the thinking, art, or science of an earlier time is inherently inferior when compared to that of the present.

Something which I never understood... When you look back at the Romans, and Mayans... They probably did more with what they had, than we do today with what we have. The Romans and Mayans even had indoor plumbing when today, there are some places that don't even know what that is. So, how is it that people today think that those of old are people that enjoy to roll in their own feces and wear helmets? Just because we improve on the comfortableness of life, with bidets?

And that's when it occurred to me. The moment during my hot shower where it felt a bit cold and my hair stood up. Why is chronological snobbery so prolific today? The first sin, ever committed, pride. If angelic beings fell prey to sin, how much more likely are we to be eaten alive by it.

In today's society, which I am just as much a part of and guilty with... We have fallen into an illusion of our own abilities and knowledge. We hide behind our innovations and engineered marvels of comfort and security. It has puffed us up with knowledge and fed our egos.

Beside what the Bible says on pride (1, 2, 3), there is a lot more to it. What is so powerful about it, is how it slowly creeps up on us, and then finally averts and creates in us, a fruit of destruction. We don't even know how proud we are, that's how crazy it is! When you think about why you sometimes say what you say, or do what you do, you may realize you're trying to bring glory or attention to yourself.

Or the opposite...we try so hard not to do things we see others do that exhibit folly, but inadvertently use that, to let others see the contrast from others to ourselves to make ourselves once again, look great. Or maybe how you are so quick to correct others, and be a critical Chris... I am guilty of that often.

There are so many layers, different depths and craziness to it, that C. J. Mahaney continually calls himself in his book, Humility,...

" a proud man pursuing humility by the grace of God. I don’t write as an authority on humility; I write as a fellow pilgrim walking with you on the path set for us by our humble Savior. "

The way we respond to situations and people, becomes different and endangered when our hearts are hardened and necks are stiff. Above all, the greatest damage it does is prevent us from repenting. One of the greatest things Jesus pursues in us, a repentant heart.

au-delà

2011-01-17T19:38:00.000-08:00

After many late nights in the shower as I was debriefing myself and letting my mind wander with God, I wondered. Why do people think it's so crazy to believe in the Bible, literally. One specific instance, such as the Giant Humans (Goliath and his brothers). When you look at the world..

Dogs, to Wolves...
Cats, to Cougars/Jaguars/etc...
Dik-diks, to Deers...
Guinea Pigs to Capybaras...
Snakes to Anacondas
Dolphins to Whales

and probably tons of others that I'm ignorant about. Is it that far of a stretch that there could've once been Giants, with possibly one brown eye? Often those giant races were commissioned by the Jews to utter destruction... After they killed the entire population they'd burn everything they owned, all of their livestock(sometimes) and bodies. Is it so shocking that 3,500 years later we can't find much hard evidence on Giants? We don't even know what happened at Roanoke, almost 410 years ago!

There are people that even refute the Holocaust, now... only about 70 years later from when it happened...imagine how many people would refute it 3,500 years from now...

Love is a chance we should take

2010-11-11T14:32:00.000-08:00

In the midst of a shower, where all my deepest thinking seems to be done, I came upon a revelation. Because of this revelation, I realized why there has definitely been hinderance or hurt in a lot of my relationships. While not innately a sin, it however remains a bit...backwards.

Instead of continually beating around the bush with a teasing behavior, like a dessert shared between 8 females and everyone continually takes a small piece until the end and no one takes the last bite, I shall just say it! I realize as I look back in a retrospective lens, sharing my personal life is relatively easy. Why? 'Cause I don't give a *boop*. Truth is truth, and all will be brought into the light, right? At least that's how my subconscious processes it... However. I have found it more difficult, that my struggle is not in being transparent with how I feel or what's been going on in my life but in being, me.

When I am not me, that is usually because I am uncomfortable with something and probably has a root or stem in the fear of man. Which is unusual for me, in my opinion.., because I am not one to back down from conflict or confrontation. A good storm always precedes a good harvest, right? Anyways. Like a child with people I feel like I don't know or am new to, I slowly test the waters to see if it's safe to let my walls down...more and more until they are gone.

An old lesson that had a deeper layer and meaning. People always want authenticity, demand it, and when it's not good enough they are frustrated or disappointed. That's when it clicked for me. No one wants to lower the walls/gate first to get punched first. No one wants to be the first to step out there. Especially me. But... Lately it has really donned on me the gravity and desperation of my desire for knowing my identity in Christ. And to chase and pursue that has slowly but Shirley given me a sense of freedom.

I hate, yet love, when my experience matches my knowledge. I have heard it before, but I feel more so its truth now. That, you can only truly love people when you know God loves you and you love God. You no longer care for their approval and are free to be you and in that are not bound looking for their respect and you will no longer use them for their affections. It makes me want to put myself out there even more(with discernment of course), and tell all the sissies to bring it, and give me the hardest punch they think they can deliver. (starts at :47.)

What makes me worth anything more than a grilled stuffed burrito is Jesus's death on the cross. It's the ultimate symbol and act of his love. So, what that means to me is knowing all my eggs are in my God's basket, I am free to love on as many people as I can. I love others because God loves me. And it doesn't matter how others respond as long as I am honoring God and loving on them.

God wants us to be the first ones to step out. You never know how broken other people are until you get to know them. And to be able to reach out to them and risk getting punched again and again, is what love is all about. Love came to show us the way.

rebelles

2010-10-06T18:57:00.000-07:00

I was born a rebel long before I knew what that word meant.

You and your friends like something? I will be against it!

POKéMON?

I tried it, hated it.

FML.com?

A place where everyone can complain and grumble together and laugh at each other's miseries? That's soOo dumb. Some are funny, I won't deny it, but the concept in general...seriously?

Sports?

Only sport I like is--kidding, there are none that I do, except for world league matches/games.

I think my intense need for rebellion was instilled in me very early on. Part of me wants to take no responsibility and take it to the next level by saying it was because when I was conceived, I had to fight over a million other versions of myself to have the right to live. How is that rebellion? I guess it really isn't...It's just me liking to fight. Well, I showed those motha suckas what was up, and so did you, congratulations!

Anyways... As I continue to look around I notice more and more people rebelling. Our country, was founded on rebelling when we gave Great Britain the Great Finger. We love to stick it to 'the man', and fight the good fight. Stories of one man, turning the tide against tyranny, metaphorically and hopefully never physically, turns us on. That's why super heroes are AWESOME. It's also why people can get away with rebooting a super hero movie franchise less than 5 years old(Hulk, Spiderman) and no one will give a damn.

But when I look around, all I see is rebellion. I will no longer be that lone man standing against tyranny. How can I rebel when everyone rebels with me?! That's not fun. When I first came to church many years ago, I brought my critical Chris attitude into it, as well. I wanted to rebel. And the church made it easy, incredibly easy. Church people were a disappointment, the spiritual authority and doctrines were laughable to me. I felt justified. But as I grew and grow, I saw this often in the church among others that were dissatisfied. This dissatisfaction with the shortcomings of who we thought God called them to be, spawned a cesspool of haters.

Everyone walks around like the Church is a great whore instead of the great bride. I'm sympathetic to non-Christians when they hate on the church even though sometimes they may not really deserve it. But when 'Christians' begin to rip on the church and avoid it like a neglected girlfriend, I feel a new found fury! It makes me feel... rebellious. How do I be a rebel in a world of rebellion? I pondered on this for about an hour, and by hour I probably meant twenty seconds. EASY, I thought.

Logic states, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Well, that means it's time to stop rebelling, brosephus. It's soOo easy to hate on the Church and its short comings and how people have 'let us down'. But it's having the understanding to look at it and understand that we are all part of that 'messed up' church. We are just as messed up as the person we dislike, and hate on. We are in need of that grace just as much as that spiritual noob. And we are no smarter, better than anyone else.

It's having the compassion, to get dirty while helping. It's having the humility to be under spiritual authority. It's having that love for something broken that God loves and pleads with us to love.

It's knowing that we are that bride, that bride that Jesus Christ died for and loves.

cuire

2010-08-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

Dad: So, I've noticed you've been helping your mom cook.
George: Yeah, I thought it was about time I started t--
Mom: He's just hungry, that's why he helps. Notice he never helps before 12:30, or 6:30.
George: ... I also thought* I'd make things easier for y--
Mom: And he likes to cut things up...
Dad: oOoh.
George: ...Why do we have to eat so late? T_T

gee tee eff oh

2010-08-09T15:21:00.000-07:00

Mom: Let's make a deal.
George: Nope.
Mom: You haven't even heard what I'm going to offer.
George: Nope.
Mom: Anyways. If you don't get a job before next year, I want you to leave Texas. Go to California, Taiwan, Seattle, or Maryland. I don't kur; get a job.
George: Wait, why do you want it before next year?
Mom: No reason...
George: Wait a second, that's when you have to update your insurance. You want me to lower your insurance!
Mom: ...--I got to cook dinner.

How mighty will the Lord be to mightily save...

buckets of suck

2010-06-22T15:51:00.000-07:00

I think it was when I broke my first toy did I realize everything in this world was ephemeral and could have no lasting effect. Because of that it occurred to me early on that everything sucks.

I think it was when I tapped on the glass of my Grandpa's clear casket, and asked my mom 'why grandpa was in a box', did I realize everyone in this world was ephemeral and could have no lasting effect. Because of that it occurred to me early on that everyone dies.

I think because of those things I never really developed a sense of pride of anything I made, or who I was, because everything I ever make, will be destroyed, and everything I ever do, will be topped by someone else. And everything I am to be will just wither to the ground and be but a breath.

So I never really understood the idea of confidence, as I grew older...I had an unrealistic scale and measurement of gauging quality, if its lasting effect isn't good enough, it sucks....Why would you be glad you made something that sucks? Why would you be glad, that you are a bucket of suck?

Though probably not a good way to grow up, it instilled into me a Debbie Downer attitude of being objectively critical.

The only thing that ever withstands the test of time are ideas... But even then, since it is humans that receive them, who are everything wicked, there is an error in the ideas especially when we create them as well. We can't control how other people will use our ideas in the future, or how they will interpret them if they are ever written down. This is especially illustrated in objects that were created with intentions of bringing something to humanity.

Like the inventor of television, created it with the intention of showing musicals, ballet, and poetry to all those that could not afford to attend theaters. The inventor of basketball created it in hopes to give young men something to do so that they'd detour from criminal activity, and violence. However basketball players are far from role models, today. The Internet was also hoped to be a way to spread knowledge and education, but it is often used for more lewd purposes. Spray paint cans were intended to...spray paint, rather than get sniffed from a bag for a neutered high.

The effects of the deviation of twisting ideas are most noticeable in the US Constitution. Everyone has construed their own meaning of it for their own immediate benefits. And while it's easy to blame the system of our government, there was once a system that God gave to the Jews that they/we also messed up. The government created from the Mosaic Law given to Moses from God was, too, eventually destroyed by the wickedness of man. So in short, nothing is safe from our total depravity! And everything else will be destroyed or dissipate. Not to be a debbie downer but it has just been something I have noticed.

Take that and Rewind it Back

2010-05-29T13:56:00.000-07:00

George: Hey Mom, I just wanted to call and let you know I'm probably not gonna come home tonight or be out really late.
Mom: Okay, thanks for letting me know.
George: I need to take my friend to the airport at like 4am and--
Mom: Just make sure you are doing the right thing.
George: What?
Mom: Think about what you are doing...if it is right.
George: Uhh...what?
Mom: Don't be sleeping around; you might get a disease.
George: What?!--I don't even--Never mind, see you tomorrow.
Mom: Night.

I still don't understand why my mom thinks I am promiscuous or occasionally gay... It used to be funny and still kind of is. But now that it's been about three years of her accusing/gesturing I wonder what kind of a light I am truly being or if I am not being inclusive enough of her in my life.

Anyways. Ever since the fiasco in which she thought I was gay, I would intentionally listen to gangster rap music whenever she was nearby. The ones with lots of guns being shot, reloaded and girls gasping for air and moaning in the background would frequently grace my speakers. Hopefully that would make me seem more masculine, and somehow more straight?

When I was a young boy, girls used to hug me all the time, and I would just nosebleed and passout. So I don't know why she thinks I would be fond of physical touch.

Fondre

2010-05-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

When people throw baby chicks into trash compactors, chuck hamsters off the third story balcony at oncoming traffic, and even the last scene of the Notebook, all have left me un-phased. While I am talking about what has no effect on me right now, I want to talk about what does!

A seasoned veteran such as myself who has been hardened by such a hard life of doing nothing and not having hardship, is hardly ever swoon. There are few things in the world that make me melt, where if I was in a blinding rage, I would stop when confronted by these things.

TINY FRIENDLY ANIMALS:
But not too tiny.

Puppies
Kittens
Dik-Diks

I used to not care for animals, until I got to college...Where I was actually exposed to them. I was always, and kind of still am under the attitude, a pet better perform a function, or it's useless! So if your cat doesn't counter attack a snake like Riki-Tiki-Tavi, then I wouldn't want it. But it doesn't mean I won't play with it.

TODDLERS(3-7?):
For some reason the only ones that I am affected by are Asians, and Indians... Human babies are the one of the most dependent organisms in the world, when left alone they will most likely die on their own. Disgusting, tiny, fatties!

Anyways, their child-like faith, and blithe nature for some reason really takes me back. Believe it or not, I was once an attractive child, far from the marred Jonah Hex I am now today. And seeing little Asian children have fun makes me have flash backs of a better time as if I just had Ratatouille cooked by a mouse.

Volez

2010-05-23T22:26:00.000-07:00

EXPLICIT CONTENT ENTRY:
One part of Kite Runner that I really liked, was how the narrator classified all sin, as stealing. If you murder, you are stealing life. If you lie, you are stealing the truth. If you commit adultery, you steal from yourself, your future/current beloved, and the person we all victimize, though he is far from a victim, God.

When I was young I was exposed to pornography well in my single digits without realizing what it was. I remember asking my dad one time if we could watch one of his VHS porn films when I found it messing around in his closet...thinking it was a full length family friendly presentation...

Anyways. It wasn't until 7th grade or so that the real seeds of sin were sown deep. I started downloading porn and I had gigs of it, before there were gig-hard drives. (multiple hard drives). And I was proud of it... I read up on sex and the female anatomy to prepare myself for any excursions I may [n]ever have as well...Bluntly put, I was a horn dog and a perv.

Fast forward, almost 10 years later, I was still caught in the sin. I struggled on and off but, never truly committed to breaking free(for the right reasons).

There's actually a lot of good stories that involve how God has chased me through these sinful pursuits. I remember one time, while I was 'doing good' and abstaining from it, where I couldn't resist/flee my lust anymore, and queued up a lot of porn-downloads and went to bed. The next day I went to my computer, ready to watch some porn, and tried to turn it on; the storm the night before had sent that derrtty little hard drive to hell. Somehow my computer was blown up while everything else in the apartment was fine. I tried to have my roommate(engineer) fix it, but he somehow made it even worse by setting something on fire...literally, there was smoke coming from my computer.

I was caught in the act, thrice(different people), yet it still wasn't enough to keep me from stopping... I had accountability partners, actual roommates; I had x3watch and all the works.

DAMAGE
Let's say... I averaged 3 hours of porn a week...for ten years...which is probably pretty gracious... Not getting in the specifics of leap years and junk, that's easily 1560 hours. I won't even bother getting into the details of where my time could have been allocated better. I probably still retain over hundreds of names of porn stars; I can recognize porn stars in an instant. Recently I saw a music video in which a porn star had a cameo for like 3 seconds, and I immediately knew who she was. I wiki'd it, confirmed it, and felt ashamed.

When I look at my life and how it has affected me, I don't think I can even begin to see the gravity of my sin. I just pray that this has no effect on me later... I also think about how much I have ruined the gift of sex for myself, as well. How sweet would it have been if we obeyed the Lord, and never knew what the other opposite sex looked like underneath their clothes, or to have never had a sexual experience before your wedding night, wouldn't that have been awkwardly amazing?!

People often think that when they get married the temptation will be over with, and the war on lust will be over, because you have a sexual 'outlet'. If that were true, there would be a lot less adultery. I have known/know married men that struggle with it, still. And the effects are catastrophic. Not only on the emotional level, either... I have heard stories in which this sin has actually affected the ability/performance of the husband to have sex with his wife. And he had to bare the guilt and be the 28 year old guy that takes Viagra. This isn't even getting into how often this plays a part in divorces.

SIN
This also hasn't even gotten to the bigger part of the picture. This is a sin! Sexual perversions are incredibly hated by God, it is very prevalent in scripture. Our bodies belong to Jesus, and they house the Holy Spirit! Sodom and Gomorrah, Curse of Ham, Lot's Descendants, Church of Corinth, Rape of Dinah, Civil war between the Benjamites and the other 11 tribes that practically annihilated them from continuing being a tribe of Israel... Unrepentant sin will get your ace beat. And I'm not talking about a small spanking; I'm talkin' 'bout gittin' BEAT...the kind where your teeth are on the curb, and your back looks like ground beef from getting scourged.

REDEMPTION
Why do I say all these things...because my heart breaks for all those stuck in this sin. This the last part of the big picture. Jesus saves. Jonah and the Ninevites, David and Bathsheba...Are great examples of how God graciously responds to repentance.

Ever since near the end of January, the Lord has been ridiculously gracious with me regarding this. While I came before him in January, he made my love for him so great I miraculously lost interest in pornography. Not to say I am free of the temptation of lust, because no guy ever is, but through the grace of God I have been free of this sin since January.

It's funny how things have changed. Sometimes I joke about becoming asexual... I may see an ad online, or even a scantily clad attractive woman in person, and be un-phased...and just comment on her shoes or how something looks bad... And I know it's not an issue with the piping.

Anyways. I use myself as an example to show how one of the worst offenders has been delivered and saved through grace...and I just pray all my brothers and sisters still afflicted from this will be set free from this prison and hate this sin as much as Jesus does.

More than any internet filter can protect you from, or accountability can keep you accountable for, this is an issue of the heart. Often there is more to it, than just being physically horny(depression, boredom). You have to be truly broken hearted, repent, and rely on Jesus. Bring it to the Lord, and let him weed out this sinful plant, before it wraps around other things in your life that will get uprooted with it.

Aléatoire

2010-05-13T08:36:00.000-07:00

To all my phantom readers that could not comment before, I have changed the commenting system so that all may comment.
The summer is coming and I feel almost ill-prepared. In general, before breaks, I usually try to come up with a ridiculous list of stuff to do. I usually barely get a third of it done before the break is over. I haven't made the list, but I can see a lot of random doors that God has been opening and just dumping stuff on my plate.

Mit: ::starcraft2 talk::
Mit: lol
Mit: ::starcraft2 talk::
George: ::starcraft2 talk::
George: ::starcraft2 talk::
George: hahaha
Mit: ::stacraft2 talk::
Mit: soo yeah
Mit: btw mack's in jail.
Mit: meant to say that earlier
Mit: want to play? :D
George: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
George: aight, getting on.

I felt bad that when one of my best friends told me one of our best mutual friends was in jail, my first reaction was to laugh out loud. I think that's because in general my attitude towards guys is a lot different than towards girls. With bros I usually do not really miss them with a heavy heart when I am away or when they are.

It seems like a strange camaraderie in mutual understanding that we have to depart to accomplish what we have to. And in that, I cannot be sad for their departure. That doesn't mean I don't continually pray for them, or wish them well though...or that I am sad that they're in jail.

In this case, I knew Mit was/would doing/do everything for my friend, Mack, to get him out; Since, I'm in another city; There's nothing I could have done anyways. But, he's out now. Praise God.

George: So, how was jail?
Mack: felt real good
Mack: felt like massive crushing pain
Mack: the pain that breaks a soul
George: really? :[
Mack: and snaps a body like a twig
Mack: yes
Mack: jail is hell
Mack: except colder
Mack: i think it's just cause you have nothing to do
Mack: like seriously
Mack: just stare at the floor
Mack: or sleep
Mack: or do pushups
Mack: or make stuff out of toilet paper
Mack: aka
Mack: felt real good

i dreamed a dream in time gone by

2010-05-04T12:12:00.000-07:00

I have been having the same dream...all my life...
CUE OMINOUS SOUNDTRACK.

From a third person perspective, I watch a future version of myself. The future me was woken up, startled by God's calling. My back was adorned with different tats, and for some reason I'm shirtless.

I hate being shirtless while sleeping. The present me was watching, as if an invisible specter. I looked around at the place I am at, mostly impressed, very minimalistic, modern, clean, and adult looking, a giant screen door right next to the bed was open, and the white thin curtains fluttered in the wind.
...--What an idiot, sleeping half naked, gon' catch a cold! I laughed amused at my future self.

Baby, what's wrong, a small woman moaned without moving, covered in a thin bed sheet.
Oh, I know why he's half naked now, git-that, git-it!!...--WAIT A SECOND; That better be your wife, sinner! The present me yelled at the future me, half-jokingly, but actually suspicious, but no one could hear. I walked around the bed to get a better look at myself.

I...need to pray, he said. The woman moaned in response without moving. The future me was on the side of the bed, with his face in his palms, feet on the floor. My joking mood slowly fell apart, as the closer I got to him, the more I could feel what he felt. I could feel how far and deep his heart has been broken. I sat on a chair opposite from him wondering what has happened... Whatever it was, it has been on his mind for a long time. His feelings overwhelmed me and I cried, but he remained composed.

Lost in his pain I began to stare through him. I must have waited like 15 minutes before he moved, waiting to see him. He lowered his arms and rested them on his knees. My first reaction was relief, that he didn't look like something else. His face looked the same as mine, except his cheeks were a bit more sunken in...and he had a well shaped chin-stubbled-beard. Due to me always having had white hairs and a baby face, I couldn't tell how old I was.

Immortal bastard! I jokingly harassed him.

But staring at him I could feel his age and wisdom, with oh so many scars from the afflictions of life. Here was a man that has had real problems.

I could see his love and desire for God far surpassed anything in this world. I was speechless and jealous. He broke my thoughts when he suddenly looked me in the eyes and said persevere, for greater challenges lay ahead and you will need the Lord. Don't be afraid that you will make mistakes, but be faithful and walk in his ways. Trust him, and desire him.

Then, I woke up.

Vie et âge

2010-04-07T08:24:00.000-07:00

In two days two people I know have had their cars broken into and had things stolen, not to mention my long board was jacked. Within the last week I found out a very good friend smoked crack. And just yesterday I found out a brother in Christ who I saw on and off for a few months has been arrested. Someone from my small group who just left the country to volunteer in South Africa for 'medical missions' just sent an email of hardships in his isolation. When everyone around you stops talking about school and actually have real problems is when you know you are old.

These things along with as I look through my older pictures I have come to a conclusion. I have aged. The slight changes to my face that has looked the same since my pre-pubescent joys of life, the new moles, and change in body shape have all pointed to this as well. I am now what would be considered an adult in shape...The reality of this year's hardships haven't left me where I was a year ago, either...The pressure of being a Godly man which I have long feared to hold the burden of is now beginning to be forced on me, and there is a strong fear. An unbiblical fear that doesn't deserve a place in me or anyone else.

Peure

2010-03-22T11:24:00.000-07:00

I am usually not one to watch a full length presentation, more than once, if it's up to me. Why? You know what's going to happen! Even my favorite movie, Stardust, I have only seen three times.

There is one movie that I hate because I've seen it a lot... Having seen it once or twice early in my youth, it appeared through out the rest of my scholastic tenure. It has a total view count of at least 10.

Another Teacher: Sorry guys, but Mr. Barber called in sick today, we didn't have time to call in a sub.
George: BAAAAALLIN.
Another Teacher: But don't worry! We're gonna watch one of my all time favorite movies!
cue Jurassic Park Theme Song.
Another Teacher: Welcome. To Jurassic Pahk!
George: fu*boop* this *boop* God *boop* from *boop* in a *boop* Jurassic *boop* again.

This happened usually two to three times every semester, in one of my classes before any major break, this would include Spring/Fall/Winter/Summer/MLK/Thanksgiving. Also the occasional surprise free day that teachers would give us was usually graced with this theatrical thriller.

There was a foolish moment that was in a day a few months ago where I thought something ignorant. As I was beginning to make progress through my 52 week Bible Reading plan that I started two years ago I thought to myself...When I finish the Bible, will I become stale and bored with it? So I just continued to pray that God reveal himself to me...And these past few week(s) have super humbled me. I know now, for sure that I don't know anything about anything from anywhere at anytime because of anyone but God.

It all started as an inquiry in Predestination/Election, that I got to learn a bit of the just side of God, and his wrath. Listening to sermons, reading commentaries/books, talking to seminary students/pastors/elders, and then a climax at a seminar put on by a seminary has led me on a wild lamb chase. Predestination/Election has led me to then look into freewill-> John Piper-> human depravity-> Calvinism-> Salvation-> Lukewarm-> Once saved always saved-> God's love-> Evangelism-> Irresistible Grace-> Malachi 1:2-3-> Romans 9:10-> Ephesians 1-2-> Revelations.

A by-product from all this learning I would say is a new awe-struck love for the Lord. A new stunning fear of him, not motivated because of my possible eternal destruction. A motivation that comes from my need to be with him. The feeling of obedience and to please him are new convictions laid into me from the Spirit that I do not wish to resist and would break my heart to do the opposite and have that disconnection.

Something that's been argued long since I dropped my first deuce, I don't think I will find a real answer to it for myself. But I know this, that my reaction will be the same, to worship him all my life. If you are curious I urge you to look into it for yourselves.

Perdre

2010-03-05T15:05:00.000-08:00

Recently I have begun a great purge in my life. I have been removing illegally attained files on my computer, usually affiliated with media/games/programs. In all the five prolific years in which I stole without second thought, never has there been conviction in my heart until recently.

What brought the Holy Spirit's conviction was a sermon a few weeks ago in which my pastor was discussing on when it comes to legalities, Christians are just as comparatively guilty to non-believers. As he went through the check list I just thought about what it was like for me.

In the work place Christians are just as likely to steal from the office.
HELL NAH.

Christians are just as likely to call in sick when they are not.
YUP.

Christians are just as likely to leave early/come late.
YUP.

Christians are just as likely to pirate music,
movies and software off the inter---HAEL, YEUH.

Since I am not currently employed anywhere I thought there was only one thing I could actively do to live out the change God wants. So, before I started deleting files I had less than 10 gigs on my computer of free space(out of 222gigs). Now I have over 92.

I used to download stuff just for the sake of downloading. The Asian in me would feel like my internet was getting its money worth. I downloaded educational material to make myself feel better under the pretense "Education should be free!", which I still in a way affirm. I could have learned Cantonese over four times if I actually used all my material...as well as around 27 other languages.

There was a time not so long ago when I would wear diapers, veins hooked up to IV fluid and game non-stop for days beating illegal games back to back. After each game, I would triumphantly rip off my diaper, wad it up, and slam dunk that ho into the trash. The diaper would hit the trash can so hard, all the stuff inside would fling out, usually destroyed from the force of impact. With rotten food and fruit peels/seeds on my face I would then challenge my roommate to "BEAT THAT, SUCKAAAAA!", then sit back on his chair, diaper-less and continue to game. I would then put on a pair of Huggies when I needed it.

As I was uninstalling the last classic hit game, that I never played but installed, it came to my attention all the wasted time all of this was and could have been. If I could have never stole any of this music or any of these games/movies, my time could have gone to something else. I could have learned to break dance/krump, read the Bible more, prayed more, read books, learn to fish, build stuff, go camping. Or maybe I could have learned how to build rockets and shoot them off after school in the hopes of being able to go into space while my dad wanted me to work in the coal mines to support the family.

In a way this sin has lead to death. It has also lead to me not having anything to listen to, besides looping the soundtracks of Gladiator, Mulan, Lion King, and Wedding Dress... But in a way it also gives me more time to work at the things that matter and in that I praise Him.

Lastly the programs I did not delete are the ones that I need for school(Adobe CS3 Garbahj). I'll buy them when I graduate...maybe.

Noveau

2010-02-24T11:59:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking for awhile for the latest My Way of the Ninja series but I just couldn't do it. Mainly because there are other things that need to be said. Usually I am not one to make super serious/personal posts. But lately there has been so much going on that I can't just keep what God's been doing in my life to myself.

This Thursday will mark the duration of five weeks in which I have been on an unparalleled spiritual high. An unparalleled level of love for God, reliance on him, and knowledge would be unfair in description to even begin to give what God has done justice.

Challenged, destroyed, rely, renewed, rejoice...over and over. The biggest highlight lately probably was that while during all of this, in what I will name the Third Revival or (Revival III) story arch, I was looking for fruit in all the wrong areas. Wrong areas, as in where it's not my time to blessed in those things. God was at work everywhere else.

Imagine the hired fool that farms peaches, hoping for fruit when only standing between these two barren trees. While oblivious to everything around him, the trees around him have sprouted to an enormous height, age and mass, that can only be described by ambiguous legendary names/terms like Methuselah, Behemoth and Leviathan. The fruits on the trees bloom with peaches that make the peach from James and the Giant Peach, look like a dried shriveled prune that tastes like black jellybeans. And then imagine him getting really upset...Upset that he put so much work and desired the garden to grow, yet he thought he was seeing nothing by only staring at those two trees. Only when he is almost killed by fruit falling from the sky does he realize what has happened. And then he thanks the true Gardener.

Everything is from grace, and we can't earn anything through what we do; I definitely feel that. But we can definitely ready ourselves,(God willing), so we can handle the blessings that God gives us. And I think that was why I was so upset... I felt like I was readying myself up(not to be entrusted with blessings, but just to be closer to God) to the best of my ability, and I saw nothing. So to be a bit more specific to those that want to punch me for not just saying what's been up, this is what God has been doing.

I rely on God a lot more knowing how much of a bucket of suck I am. Quiet times are overly consistent and bring me joy. Countless victories over all kinds of temptations. Prayers are extremely frequent and numerous.

Lastly. Learning God's faithfulness. Lately he has answered so many prayers for my friends, give worth to any work, that I don't even consider work. I see so much growth in my friends and it warms my heart. Weak or broken relationships are being strengthened/healed between me and family members. And I really don't know how to respond to any of this except running out of the room quickly to cry like it's the last few scenes in Titanic and thanking Him. I'm pretty sure I would cry if you asked me to say all of this in person. And I have, to people that I have already talked to, except I usually stuff it down just so it wouldn't interrupt my speech. This has meant a lot to me, and I know it's just the beginning.

I don't say any of this to want to look spiritual at all but that you may/will be encouraged. I know everyone is different in what it takes to encourage them, but if this helps even one, then glory to Him.

I just realized this is the first post of this 'year'...

My Way of the Ninja

2009-12-29T17:09:00.000-08:00

Between the emo metrosexuals and the juiced up guidos I feel like there has been a rather lack of new role models for our/my generation. So for myself I have been keeping a steady eye out towards the world ready to steal any ability that I wanted in myself. The people that would be scrupled under my careful eagle eyes are Clint Eastwood, Great Teacher Onizuka, and Jack Bauer.

Here are some things I want to be a part of me until the day I am laid to rest.

Never admit to physical pain,
in front of females/or family in which there are people older than you present.

This article is exempt when any of these conditions are met:

A limb has been severed or destroyed.
Your body has been pierced by an object which has left the wound with the size greater than an inch in diameter.
You have been burned with metal/steam/water with a resulting surface area greater than eight inches.
You have a terminal illness and are in the last stages.
Whatever damage that has been done has caused over a pint of blood to be lost.

Never physically hit chicks with my body or with anything held,
so projectiles, and things that launch objects in a non-lethal force are okay.

This article is exempt when any of these conditions are met:

A life is in danger.
Your future lineage is _imminent_ danger.
Full force is strongly authorized and highly recommended.
She's evil. (Evil has no gender)
She's transforming into a monster.

I feel that these yield long time rewards when followed to the T.

Fille

2009-12-16T23:25:00.000-08:00

Lately I have started to grow out my hair to an unparalleled length, when comparing to myself. And responses have been mostly positive.

Me: Hey, Grandma! Like my hair?!
Grandma: 看起來像一個小姐. (You look like a girl.)

My response. Awesome. I can be a manly man yet with delicate features. The Asian androgyny is only okay if it's pretty clear you're a man/woman.

Me: Hey Mom! Like my hair?!
Mom: I don't like how it covers your face, makes you look dirty.

I think I asked my mom three different times throughout the night. Every time she said something different, that was negative.

Me: Hey man, haven't seen you in a long time.
Random Friend: Yeah, your hair is really long now... Lookin' like Bruce Lee.
Me: Cool, huh?!
Random Friend: Yeah, makes your big fu*boop*ing head look a lot smaller.

Finally someone has seen through my plan.
Maybe in the summer I'll cut it, then let it grow into the winter. A poor man's clothes.

Vieux

2009-11-23T22:52:00.000-08:00

Prior to the new Twilight/True Blood extravaganza I used to be quite the vampire genre fan. Mainly Buffy, Angel, Hellsing, Underworld, but what sealed the deal was Interview with the Vampire.

No, I did not read the book, which I found out to be heavily leaned towards some of the homosex and almost completely omitted in the film. Yes, I did see Queen of the Damned with the dear late Aaliyah, and yes, it sucked. Aaliyah was hot though. Anne Rice's vampire universe was similar to the Underworld franchise's universe; older vampires are stronger/quicker. So as you age, the stronger and quicker you are. And as a young lad I ate that stuff up like it was the second Dragon Ball Z. Don't pretend at the end of Underworld 2 that you weren't excited to see them fight the ancient vampire and the ancient werewolf!

I always took that to be similar to be in real life. As you grow older, you should become stronger, smarter, and more mature. I have been trying to keep true to this real hard. And it's really funny when I tell people that I have never been better than I am today. And then I am met with an equally humbling statement of "Dayum. You must've been hella dumb/fat/weak/dirty when you were younger."

I know eventually I'll hit a wall and start going in reverse. This physical limitation that will have me one day segway'ing with a diaper on is however absent in the spiritual world. God willing, we can always continue to develop to become that Brad Pitt that kills ten other vampires by himself after they have taken our 10 year old lover.

Terre

2009-11-18T12:43:00.000-08:00

I used to hate recycling. I was quick to believe the discrediting rumors that the sorted materials didn't even get recycled at the trash centers. Often in my childhood I would be conscripted by my mother for volunteer work, callousing my hands and my heart towards any kind of litter pick up walks. Bitterness was sown deep as I hated a nature that was obvious to be condemned to destruction.

But after watching Food Inc. and Earth 2100--Before I continue, I just wanted to say Earth 2100 was probably one of the best direct-to-tv movies since Uprising. And I only liked Uprising because it was about Jews and Nazis, and it had the guy from Friends...and they had cool European accents. Anyways, Earth 2100's documentary + grunge comic style story telling reminded me of the game, Infamous and Animatrix at the same time. It's completely believable and a good story. I feel like I have to be part of the solution. Whatever that may be like, I don't know.

The world is on a path to destruction. An industry of meat doomed to implode, a growing frequency of natural disasters, overpopulation, sources of energy, disease, are all problems without even getting into more expressive problems directly created by man towards man(war, tyranny, shi*boop*y mtv). And as I get older I see why it's more and more important to be a man of God. We are unable to face all of these gigantic problems alone.

Without really having read Revelations I don't really want to link it anymore towards the Bible in fear of getting shi*boop* wrong.

l'Enveloppe

2009-10-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

I am the guy that never gets things until the very end. Like the Matrix. I was waiting for "the one" to show up and be introduced as a new character. But he never came...until the sequel. Who knew it'd be Neo?!

About after a day has passed after I watched Sixth Sense, I finally understood why Haley Joel Osment could see Bruce Willis; it was cause he was dead!

That is however what gets me to this. America as well as the rest of the 'developed world' loves to push the envelope; yes, I'm slow. It is in everything we do. I guess that's what keeps it interesting, but eventually it'll hit a wall...like now. Pushing it to the limit, so to speak, has often led to revolutionary ways and improvements in terms of life.(Civil rights, woman's rights) Often being able to argue for these 'revolutionary' ideas puts you in a golden shower of praise because there's no way you can really logically argue against it without being a bigot. Except that season has now passed. People continue to look for things to push, but there is no where left for things to move.

I don't understand why homosexuals spend so much time trying to argue for their own rights for marriage, when they can have Civil Unions(Even though in certain states you can get married). So they have to spend a bit more money...than traditional marriages... and forgo a small bit of tax cuts and other stuff.

The infidelity rates for homosexuals is sky high, so they're unlikely to get married anyway. My point is not even focused on this, but I just wanted to point it out. When there are other things going on in the world like, North Korean refugees, every other African country, Chinese censorship, Chinese censorship, that small tidbit for gays seems so minor and the effort is undeserved when compared to those other crises.
---
Why not have shows on regular TV with graphic sex? America is so tied up and prude! Kids have to know eventually.

When people say things like that, my eyes glaze over. These are usually the same people that give standing ovations to Requiem for a Dream on the fifth time watching it. Call me an escapist, but I like my movies to bring me some kind of joy. If I want knowledge, I'll watch documentaries. To see the real world, I'll read BBC and the local news. And if I want to be challenged to think; I'll read the Bible and other spiritual mojo. I don't want to see some indie-graphic, cult classic that in reality sucks, cause you wouldn't watch it with your mother.

Don't get me wrong. It was well made, in terms of artistic talent(writing, directing, lighting). But I don't care, at all. It's like putting poop into a cake mix. Might have been the best tasting thing in the world since Manna, but in it is a bunch of shi*boop*.

This post has deviated from the original topic. I actually wanted to talk about a fresh new movie that was at the Cannes Film Festival. It's also called, Antichrist, despite having nothing to do with the Antichrist or explain it in the movie. A real winner. I'll just leave this out there... as an intro.

The film has also come under attack for its explicit and often disturbing sexuality, including the opening scene showing a toddler falling to its death while He and She have sex on the bed nearby. The film has also invited controversy for its graphic sexual violence. In one controversial scene, She hits His testicles with a wooden plank so hard that it is implied they are crushed...

I just can't believe it won anything even if the actress was awesome(which is what it won). I almost can't believe it was shown, either. The thing that gets me the most is I bet there was some Indie McIndie-douche bag wearing a beret with thick black framed glasses that gave it a standing ovation for five minutes. And then he went home to blog about how great it was.
I should just make a movie of myself dropping a deuce and turn it into a film festival, and I bet that same guy would think it's awesome. And I'd win best actor.

Man, I think I'd be pretty good at smashing testicles with wooden planks too, maybe I should get in on the sequel.

UPDATED: The movie actually gets worse I just censored it because of Twig. Thanks for the heads up though, Twig.

Mon Dieu

2009-10-05T19:39:00.000-07:00

There goes not a day when I am behind the wheel in which a fellow motorist would pass me immediately after driving behind me for three seconds. They would then proceed to signal switching, pass me and then go in front of me with their hand outside their window with their middle finger firmly posted up.

However a few nights ago that was not the case. After chilling out at Braums for about two hours I had pigged out on two double dip cones for four dollars. Being lactose intolerant, ice cream has a strange random factor to it in the relationship between the toilet and my butt. Sometimes it'll be a regular anaconda. Sometimes it would be like a rapid fire vulcan cannon from an Apache Helicopter. So about another hour after that, I really had to drop a deuce. So, I was smashing my accelerator through the floor of my car to go home. After stopping at every red light and crying out to Jesus, I finally made it back in time.

Now that I think about it. There has never been a time where my cries to the Lord have been unanswered. Actual, physical cries. Cries from my mouth, in which are usually followed by a train of profanity and expletives describing my situation. The direness of the situations are subjective. However, to me they were the most dire of dire events.

Psalm 22:5(NIV)
⁵ They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

There was another time within last summer that there was a similar situation. I skateboarded to the park to work out on the playground since I'm too lazy to drive to school...even though it's like ten minutes away...if I hit every stoplight.

So, I was at the playground alternating between dips and pull ups. However, I was breathing incorrectly, and I did not realize it until I just finished... I started seeing blue spots and had trouble breathing. That's when it hit me. I had to go to the bathroom, and it would be an upside down volcanic session.

So I forced myself onto my skateboard and pushed about four times before I nearly collapsed and laid on the side of the sidewalk. Fully under the impression that my death was imminent I did not want anyone to know I crapped my pants messily right before then. This was a delicate operation. I couldn't wait too long or I'd deuce my pants. If I pushed too hard, I would faint and then decorate my pants with shi*boop*. A balance to achieve neither from above was required but was a must.

So I prayed to God, with all my might, did a man-roar to God and tore my clothes. I clenched my butt together to prevent any eruptions. I got on my skateboard and pushed about another eight times before I collapsed once again. I shaved my head with grief, said another prayer and pushed about another four times and collapsed. I got on my skateboard and poured oil over my head and skated one last time to collapse in the grass of my front lawn and just waited.

Coincidentally, my dad was working on the roof that day and saw me. After staring at me peculiarly, he went back to hammering. Practically kicking every door in on my way to the toilet I sat on my throne and let myself reign.

Rire

2009-09-21T15:27:00.001-07:00

In my life's pursuit to be a designer/web/writer person my mother has come under the impression in which I need help. I don't blame her, I would be just as worried if not more. Actually, if I was my mother I would be pretty sure my son is thinking about selling US citizenship through marriage as a last ditch effort to make a living. Of course after the military/reserves/Asia/selling his own organs.

Anyways, for awhile she has been trying to hook me up with a friend she has met while in her volunteering community. Said family friend was an upperclassmen that is now getting his masters and TA'd for a class in the same major as I am. Occasionally, I would see him in the labs or in classes that I would walk into, when I needed their computers. For years I was too caught up doing my own thing to really give it a shot or a shi*boop*. But as I am nearing the end of my college career I do not have many options remaining. So, I decided to follow this lead as to not leave my mom hanging and in my own mind, to give her face. Can't let other people think I disrespect my mother, even though I do. Sometimes.

So last year I called the number she gave me and met up with him and we started to chat. Pretty cool guy, and a resource if I ever really needed more info/or other hook ups I guess. I forgot all about this until my mother started talking to me at the family dinner.

Mother: So I ran into Jason the other day, you remember him?
George: uhn.
Mother: He was talking about how you guys had met awhile back and had some good conversations about your careers.
George: Yeah, he told me a lot of stuff that was good to know in case if I try to pursue a future in art.
Mother: He told me something interesting though.

And that's when it dawned on me what she was getting at... I felt like there was a pause at that moment in time. If my life was anime there would probably be 3 scenes of water droplets hitting a larger pool of water right then. Nervousness and laughter were beginning to build inside me like I just saw Korean History Channel for the first time.

Mother: After your hour long conversation about ATEC and what you wanted to do about your life he asked if you had any important questions... And then after a careful deliberation, you decided to ask him about a girl that was in his class...for like an hour.
George: O_O
Mother: Out of all the things you could have asked him....

So I just responded how I did to all situations I deem really awkward. I calmly looked around a second to my brother and dad then began to laugh like a hyena. I probably guffawed for like a good 10 seconds with some good knee slapping action in there. Then I promptly got up and went to my room. At least, she doesn't think I'm gay anymore.

La Bouche

2009-09-07T15:24:00.000-07:00

Ever since I was little, through observation and propaganda, I have always suspected going vegetarian was indeed a better lifestyle. In the epic movie, Land Before Time, that captured not only my heart when I was little(and now), is about to capture my diet. It captured my heart in that it left a boy refilling his cereal bowl with tears and spending 10 minutes rewinding the film on VHS, within the VCR...to replay it. All the carnivores in the movie are bad guys and terrible fighters no kid wants to be either, especially the second one.

The only problem with being vegetarian is and was getting certain vital proteins and vitamins/minerals naturally. But with the abundance of supplements and ease to get them, it'll only make me wonder and want to take advantage of that crutch! I don't care about eating a pill every other day or so...I know one day I'll be poppin' calcium pills cause I'm lactose intolerant. Might as well get used to it now and pretend it's Vicodin...or just mix some Vicodin in there.

While it may seem strange to rely on a pill for some part of your diet, let's not forget a lot of the processed meat we ingest is also sorted through an assembly line and packaged, just like pills. The animals are just as engineered as the pills are...if not more. There's just a lot of blood and screaming PETA people with the second part.

Genesis 1:29 (New International Version)

²⁹ Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.

We were originally made to be vegetarian, when we were at Adam. But if humans were able to live back then to almost 1000 years old (Methuselah) they obviously got everything they needed in their diet...or maybe it was just God's blessings. But it makes me wonder about the difference in our bodies between us and Adam. Did Noah and his kids have the meat eating teeth while all the other sinners were 'naturally' selected in a great flood that resembled a great toilet flush? Did their appendix do more stuff than ours?

Whatever the case. This much, may be true...

Humans are able to eat meat and digest it. Not in large amounts though.
We have teeth similar to carnivores, for tearing or gripping meat.
Most of our teeth however are designed for chewing, like herbivores.
Our appendix may once have been a stomach that was used when we were herbivores.
God has decreed that we can eat meat in the same way that we eat veggies and fruit. Therefore it is not a sin to eat meat.

While researching the above was taken from here. Or it could just be as God says in

Genesis 6:3 (New International Version)

³ Then the LORD said, "My Spirit will not contend with man forever, for he is mortal; his days will be a hundred and twenty years."

Nope.

2009-08-03T11:35:00.000-07:00

This word was quickly learned often used. Most frequently it would be the response to a request for help, a plead to borrow something(money), and a proposed agreement or rendez vous. Nope.

Friend: Hey George, can I borrow this program for my homework--
George: NOPE.
Friend: But it looks like it's been sitting here awhi--
George: NOPE.
Friend: Look, it's so dusty!
George: NOPE.

This got me thinking. In my selfish pursuit in which I have entertained everything I have enjoyed and wanted, which has been illustrated by this past summer I have realized something. When I am left alone to do what I want, all of my pursuits are in what I want. While it is not the first time this conclusion has been formed it has reinforced my opinion.

Without God there is nothing I can do correctly.
And that man is naturally sinful.

This got me thinking once again. Which made even more sense in terms of circumstances. In a previous article, I have mentioned my random thoughts that I like to bring back to the Bible... Well, here it is again!
---

The above is exactly why Communism does not work. Through our sinful nature we are too tempted to carry out our own pursuits and ambitions. If we have to do assigned work for the greater good for the rest of our lives and have nothing to show for it as an individual, we are not going to give it our all.

In fact, I would be willing to say people would not give a flying kite about who they would have to hurt and corners they'd have to cut for some extra change. Who wouldn't do what they had to do for wealth well deserved if the system was not rewarding? Let's say...maybe putting cardboard in meat filled buns, poisoned milk, toxic toys, dry walls that emit toxic fumes...--Oh wait, those have already been done.

While doing research, the cardboard buns was a hoax...allegedly.

Actually...why do that when you can go full blown illegal and carry out what is probably considered crimes against humanity?! What is making even sweeter money is the vast black market of human trafficking, and organ harvesting.

While their creativity is disappointing it doesn't exclude or help the fact that their country does not reward ingenuity. Who wants to spend millions of dollars creating software that will be stolen, decompiled and remade under a different logo within a day? Until China becomes more lax about their laws it will only get worse and their executions more frequent.

The pollution, the crime, and the dream of super try-harding(pooping your pants while sitting under a stage for 12 hours) are all part of the reasons I refuse to be called Chinese. Taiwanese represent.

Things that Make me Smile

2009-07-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

To counter my debbie downer article I feel that I must uplift the atmosphere with a quick list of things that make me smile. When these things happen, know that if I have a sour face on I am most definitely having a party inside. It would not just be any kind of party either. This would be like a wedding, banquet, paint ball, and eating yogurt all at the same time.

Sudden Random Violence

After viewing it for the 1000th time it has lost some effect. But I did realize early on that this kind of humor would always be a part of me despite if what I found funny was meant to be or not.

Expression of Extreme Anger (around 1:40-2:45 is the best part)

I think this is one of the reasons I am so good at making people mad, online. I for some reason like to make people I don't like, mad. That sounds a bit sadistic and shows a lack of character in my part. But it feels good. Doing it in person, of course, is not nearly as fun, for I may end up in a dumpster, naked.
I think in part, I also like to see how people express their feelings, even if they're sad. It is a part of my human inquisitiveness, I suppose.

The Smell of New Paper

The only thing that beats the smell of a new car, or a new house.
In elementary school when the teacher would pass us our freshly printed out tests, before I failed them I would sniff it until the examination was over.

Other things but not exclusively in any order... girls, food, fat money checks, dancing, new dumb rap music, girly music, and speaking mandarin with _native/fluent female_ speakers. (For the love of God, please be fluent. )

Things that Piss Me Off

2009-07-08T14:13:00.000-07:00

Over the years as I age correlations have been consistently been proven in what pisses me off. What started off as tiny aberrations and irritating flickers have bottled up inside me until I can barely control myself. When any of these happen please do not be around me for I fear you will see me grab the nearest sharp object and jab my own eyes out after I tear out my ears.

People clapping while watching movies or sports(on TV) .

Why do people do this?! It is highly unlikely that anyone that had anything to do with any of what you are watching will hear your clap and appreciate it.

Small innocuous sounds that take the place in the following

Flossing
Any kind of noises that result from sucking or blowing through the mouth/teeth in an effort to clean it(usually after a meal).
Chewing lip-smackingly loudly

I don't understand why. Maybe I have repressed memories of being beaten and taken advantage of in a basement for weeks by a sex offender named "The Flosser", who used to suck and blow to clean his mouth while he beat me up. Which explains why noises like these send me into a fit of blind rage. After a few plucks of string or sessions of mastication I will have lost all memory after that. I would then wake up on a pile of bodies and a mouth full of dried blood that did not belong to me and most likely naked.

Java, the object oriented programming language.

I suck at Java and taking a class without doing the pre-reqs to introduce it all has sucked all the joy from my life. Food tastes of ash, and I get lazy eyed while riding roller coasters because of it.

While minor in all aspects for some reason these things make me cuss out popes, and toddlers as well as yelling at hamsters.

Comprendre

2009-06-07T22:59:00.000-07:00

I used to have an internship for sticviews. It was a cushy job in which I sat on a chair for a little less than half of a work day for less than part time. The pay was not significant but the experience was great. The laxity of the environment often made me want to test the boundaries. This would be illustrated by going to work with an old wife beater I wore when I went to sleep after my wisdom teeth wore removed. While rolling into the parking lot wearing a butcher's apron, also known as my tank top, sporting aviators, with my windows rolled down and gangster rap blasting, is how I envisioned my employers seeing me.

As proud as I was about finding my own internship on craigslist, the source of all happy...endings, I had to tell people what was going on.

George: Dude. Guess what. I got an internship.
Friend: Where?! Paid?
George: Yeh. sticviews.com, I work with these two guys, they're pretty cool.
Friend: Oh...So what is it about, what are you doing?
George: I help them with their images and stuff... The website is about selling any kind of images on vinyl or posters and stuff... and then they can be attached to walls and cars for a long time and with stand weather/time.
Friend: So...you're working for people that are...selling stickers. And...manage their files...like a secretary... How much you get paid?
George: Umm... yes. Around 7.
Friend: 7?! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL--SUCK!..anyways. I don't think stickers are very lucrative...-- well I'm sure your bosses know their market better than I do.....................................................................................................................................................

So after that discouragement and fact that George helps sell stickers, a bit of mockery and affliction of teasing was sprinkled upon me in forms of torrents that would sweep me to my drowning. The very irony is that I would recommend my friend for another position that would open up a few months later. After I no longer had hours at that job because I ran out of work to do, my friend was hired. My friend, who I'll refer to FWGTJ(Friend who got the job), had a bit of a different turn out.

Friend1: Guess what everyone?! FWGTJ has an internship!
Friend2: What is it?
FWGTJ: It's kind of like--
Friend1: STICVIEWS. It's like stickers that can go on anything, and last a long time!!
Friend2: OMG You're gonna be a millionaire!
FWGTJ: I don't know about tha--
Friend1: NO. You are gonna seriously make it rain. SO COOL and such a good idea!
George: ...
Friend2: For real. SoOo innovative and versatile.
George: ..........................................

All joking aside. I am grateful for the job and experience.

Apprendre Deux

2009-05-28T12:01:00.000-07:00

If I asked myself at the age of 16 what I would be like at age 22 I would have said these things...

With Child. (Accidental)
Widowed. (Intentional...JK)
Married.
Have lots of weapons.
Really ripped with tattoos/ear rings.
Not in the states.
Tight with my families.

But I can proudly and shamefully say I am and have none of those. If there was a zombie invasion I probably wouldn't live. I don't know how to survive in the wilderness. I have almost zero home maintenance and auto-mechanic knowledge. I don't play any instruments or sports. I am far from the man I want to be. But that in a nut shell was not the real problem. A lesson I learned long ago that never made sense has been coming back.

Before you can take care of yourself you have to look to the Lord. Look to the Lord and he will give you all your heart's desire. Or something like that... I have come far from low self esteem to super narcissism where I can't stand for things to not be about me.

Shouldn't Rec Week have been about improving my spirituality?

Shouldn't it have been about making me better and giving me guidance so I could get my 16 year old aspirations?

--Nope. Well yes, but mostly no. How do I make my life more about Jesus? Bringing glory to him, being in love with him and spreading his love 'like Johnny Appleseed' are supposed to be the staple. But like radiation to affecting ordinary people, results may differ. The super human powers are different each time. Strength/Agility/Telepathy...throwing explosive cards. Anyways. How that looks in everyone's lives will be different and that's what makes it hard to find out what it is for ourselves individually.

So what's there to do? Nothing but pray. Prayer is like the aphrodisiacs you give your spouse during dinner/pre bedtime. Kind of a chore to buy the chocolates/clams but you don't want to leave it out. Then you forget to give them any credit when it works. And you only go to the trouble when there has been an incredible dusty dry storm that few from the Great Depression will ever remember.

Apprendre

2009-05-19T21:03:00.001-07:00

First off, I must apologize. I feel like lately I have abandoned the few loyal readers I still had. Even worse, they were faced with the same lame articles for weeks!

Recently I was at Rec Week (Christian Retreat) and learned quite a bit...
Besides a summary of most of the Old Testament and comparisons to modern day soap operas I also learned a bit of myself.

1. I don't like it when things are too happy.

Ever since I was little conflict was always in my life. Whether it was between my mom and my dad, me and my bro, me and peers, the noise of conflict was always soothing. Instead of white noise machines, and recordings of beaches, I prefer to listen to blood curling battle scenes from Gladiator, Saving Private Ryan, and random episodes of Jerry Springer. On loop is the only way to watch these things of course.

So what do I do when that happens? I have to stop it! I have to disrupt it... I think this happens a lot even in my friendships with guys and especially with girls. Every compliment I gave had to be followed by two severe disses.

George: Hey, sweet shoes!
Girl: What?--Really?! Thanks. I got them off (Website).
Girl: ::Smiles:: They had so many colors I regretted buying these for awhile...
George: Uhh.... Well. You should do your hair differently and not wear that dress anymore.
Girl: What!.. Why?
George: I think your forehead is too small to pull off the lots of bangs look... and this dress is not doing your body justice.
Girl: ... Thanks?
George: Yep.

And with guys.

Guy: Sup George?! How are you?
George: What, fag?!

So I think it's something to work on. Like if I have time... It's probably not that important.

2. I have soft hands.

I must have gotten like ten splinters in my hands from random anythings... There was wood everywhere; what the hell! I was dribbling a basketball(Shocking, I know.) and I got a splinter. I caught a football and got another. Okay I didn't catch it, but when I picked it off the ground, it was like I squeezed a cactus made of wood.

3. I am grumpy when I am woken up from any nap/sleep.

I remember used to living on campus and one time during a nap my roommate poked his head in and started to talk to me.

Roommate: Hey George, we're going to Wendy's, you want us to get you any foo--
George: SHUT UP FAGGOT!!!

Elfen Lied

2009-02-13T23:16:00.000-08:00

After recently finishing Lord of the Rings it has gotten me on an elf-mania. I started to look up stuff from the Silmarillion and wikipedia and searched for answers that would give me a better understanding of LOTR. I was also then inspired to download almost every good Lord of the Rings game and beat them. After that I started looking for more games with elves to play and beat those too. Hell yeah, nerding it up.

Elves became most popular because of J. R. R. Tolkien and his attention to detail. Their popularity must have been a huge hit when the books came out. And over the generations it slowly died out and was something that you can't relate to as easily. But things like WoW bring them back. The ever-youthful, clear skinned, agile, asian dressing white people with their song like words with English accents are irresistible. This was all until WoW brought in the blood elves, and they now look Asian... if you choose it to black or brown hair...kind of. I remember when the first movie came out, my English teacher in high school busted a nut over Orlando Bloom. This was a lady that always giggled about Shakespeare's metaphors for the penis. She would often go on for half the period about the naughtiness of 'swords' and what not. Often when I left that class I would remain calm until I stepped outside, collapse then proceed to shudder violently from disgust. I would often bring a pillow cause I shook so violently I'd bang my head on the ground a lot.

Then I realized something after watching Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. Sidenote: If you did not see any of the previous films there will be many things you don't understand. Vampires are the new elves, but derrty. They are the ever youthful, clear skinned, agile, 'fair' creatures that do it a lot. Angel, Spike, Edward Cullen, Dracula, Selene, and Sonja are all examples of the new promiscuous and slutty elves that do it in the derrty dark. Because vampires are immortal and generally set in a more similar world to ours it's easier to be able to bring them into our world as opposed to elves. If need be it's also easier to do flashbacks or just change the time settings to something more medieval. And because of that they are easier to relate to.

Gone are the days when vampires would scare you and make you barf on site. Well...not completely.

Elves in modern day?! Singing songs and shooting arrows does not sound as appealing as they do when they are in a fantasy. The only time I've seen this done well is in Hell Boy 2, and Luke Gross does not sing in it.

This is without going deeper into the more hardcore D&D realms where there's a million other elf races/sub-races. But I would briefly mention Drow Elves are like vampires! Except their allergy to sunlight is less harsh, they don't have to feed and are usually evil?

Heure

2009-02-13T20:02:00.000-08:00

As I have previously said, I like to read random articles. And being so ADD I love to day dream, and in these dreams I make loose connections. Connections to the Bible, or to my daily life, or both are commonly made.

In boredom I occasionally visit NPR.org for news. And I found something interesting lately. There was once a snake that was three feet wide, and one ton heavy. It also presumably ate crocodiles whole. Scientists think for it to be able to have survived it had to be in a very warm/hot tropical place with an average of 90 degrees. But enough with the snake! What I was thinking was... Maybe Adam and Eve were not tricked so much as coerced. I always thought it was a dinky little garden snake with hypnotic eyes. But once you broke out of it you'd pick it up, wind it up like a sling and smash its brains on some trees.

But no! What if, it was a 42 foot long 1 ton heavy 3 feet wide titanoboa, telling Eve, "BI*boop* you better eat that apple." According to the article as the world grows warmer one day tropical climates would be able to contain such a creature... Which is hella scary, what kind of weapons would you need to fight one of those, much less an army of those.
---
I once read an article about a civilization that collapsed due to disease. As interesting as it was, it was nothing compared to the comments under it. Disease brought to the Americas have wiped out entire nations. Like most diseases, they come from animals. And while Native Americans and other cultural people lived in the wild there was a distinctive difference in their life styles. They did not have domesticated animals like the Europeans or have such close living quarters with them.

Which brought me to pigs. Pigs in the Bible are considered unclean and for the longest time it weirded me out. Jews too good for bacon?! Pigs carry so many diseases that are transferrable to us. It may also be because we have similar body parts(ie heart/skin tranplants). They also carry a lot of worms.

While Babe and Charlotte's Web has fooled the nation; their intelligence and charm does not fool me! These fat ugly animal's cousin, the feral pig, is one of the 100 most invasive species. Not to mention their subsistence diet means they could eat anything. This is including people, and after that they'd go rabid and become zombie pigs.

Être gai?

2009-02-01T20:22:00.000-08:00

Mom: Hey George, come watch this on TV... This boy here was playing games for hours, he wasn't feeling well but continued to play...
George: And then he died, right?
Mom: Yeah...
George: I bet he was Chinese or Korean, right..?
Mom: Yeah. How'd you know?
George: Chinese and Koreans always do that kind of shiet.
Mom: What about Americans?
George: Americans value their qualities of life too much. They're also fickle and hedonistic.
Mom: Which one are you then?
George: Mostly the American...
Mom: Well don't be following all those Americans... doing this and that.
George: Don't worry I wouldn't do anything to myself...
Mom: Don't be doing that...geh stuff either.
George: What?
Mom: You know, 同性戀, gay. Don't be gay.

O_o
Few hours later.

George: Do you really think I'm gay?
Mom: LOL No... I just worry about you...
George: About what...
Mom: I don't know. I just think you'll get tricked into doing gay stuff...

That's as close as the translations get. I don't even know what to say. I don't even know what that means. My mom used to warn me everyday as a Freshman in college. She thought I was promiscuous and told me not to touch women that did not 'belong' to me.

And now for some reason she thinks I'm gay.

Film

2009-01-17T00:26:00.000-08:00

I'm not usually one to enjoy movies created by Christians when their intent is making something towards Christianity rather than making an original piece that the general population would feel comfortable watching. I feel like they usually limit themselves in what they can present and tell as a story. But! I recently saw Fireproof. At first when I got invited to see it with a night church I seldom attend, I looked it up and laughed.

Pay 6-8 dollars to see Kirk Cameron? I have spent better money going to Tapioca Shops/Drinks just to see the hot baristas. And even better money when I wash clothes filled with unexpected wallets. A movie made for Christians by Christians are usually prude with the amount possible offensive material (violent, sexual) with minor conflicts that feel out of place in such a progressive time. For instance in the movie the main character has a struggle with pornography, and to demonstrate it shows him trying to avoid the goofiest looking pop up window. I have seen worse things on the Disney Channel (Miley Cyrus Represent). To me, as a struggling ATECH student it just had me laughing. After a good four minutes of me guffawing and slapping my knee I unpaused it.

But that was nothing compared to the stereotyped black women that worked at the hospital. You betta stand yo ground, girlfreend!

On to the good. Besides the occasional goofy script hiccups the premise was something more interesting and more prevalent. In the age of over demanding divorces, in and outside the Christian community, I'm glad there are messages like Fireproof. Before watching it I thought only married people and courting couples would enjoy it. In it however there was something I have been waiting to hear for a long time. Usually I'm against doing spoilers, but I don't think anyone is going to watch it anyways. So if you haven't seen it and plan to, stop reading now.

Don't follow your heart, because your heart can be deceived; you got to lead your heart.

Désolé

2009-01-14T20:36:00.000-08:00

My new years resolution from last year was met. It was the only one as it will be this year. It was/is to stay alive. So please, no one cause me to stumble or sabotage it. My break was uneventful but unparalleled in relaxation and in selfishness.

I downloaded games and played them for twelve hour streaks and then I would go to sleep for the second night without showering. My brother would return when I woke up in mid-afternoon with my breakfast/lunch. I would sleep when the sun rose. Besides paying the bills for my parents and doing minor errands, the cycle would repeat and the layer of dirt on my skin would relatively rise with the stench I emitted. Those sweet days are over.

School has started. I regret registering for half my classes already. UTD is going through construction; continuing our positive linear relationship of [hate for UTD] vs [time]. Besides blocking all the paths I used to take(increasing my walk time by 10 minutes no matter what), destroying a third of the parking lot I always use (causing it to fill like 30% faster), the strange smell of horse pee from the dirt, and occasional tar, I would say I'm almost okay with it. Except they've been constructing stuff for the past two years.

The only good part is that it forces students to see each other more. Which for me means more hot girls. And dirty smelling guys.

Aider moi?

2008-11-30T20:25:00.000-08:00

Before my dad left for Taiwan I could sense his effort to establish a relationship with me that we never had. He would cook and ask that I not clean...wonderful days... One day he was in the car with me, and I was listening to the radio. And he was like George, what are they saying... I was like... uhhh... 我是你有看過的最大的老闆 ?
---

I think I have been missing out on a lot lately, from hiding in my house and my apartment these past few years. The exchange of ideas and thoughts, communication, in my opinion is like the foundation of advancement. Advancing in anything and everything! That was why America used to be ownage. When all the races from around the world came together so much was brought from the other countries. The good, and the bad, creating an explosion of upgrading in every field. Agriculture(King Cotton), technology(Industrial Revolution) and crime(Al Capone, the roaring 20's) were all under this.

You may be thinking, way to lump so many fields from centuries into three categories... But I don't kur!

Ever since instant communication became more widely accessible we have lost a big advantage. All we have is what we used to have. That is why countries like Japan and Israel are wrecking us in quality of life/life expectancy/and technology. We did not use what we had when we were a younger country to our advantage. Their schools are top notch not to say ours are not. But the emphasis on education in our culture is completely different, while their schools are designed to fit their culture/vice versa. But what can you expect from a country whose primary export is entertainment.

The Euro is defecating on the dollar, and only Mexicans will continue to want to move into the US, only because they're too poor to go to Europe. Countries around the world are beginning to prosper as well. Certain cities are popping up that have not been nearly as developed within the past 10 years. Look at Vietnam, China, and Singapore... Soon no one will want to come to America, why move when you can get the same quality of life in your home country..?

Anyways. Communication! In my freshman year, I learned how to kind of cook, do laundry, and work out. Having (mature)roommates helped me learn so much that I miss them. Not only did I make them do everything I didn't want to do, buy a lot of toiletries, they also showed me how they lived. By watching the little things that people do, you can take the good, and add it to your own. (Putting Bread in the Freezer, Peanut Butter + Honey Sandwiches, etc...)

Communicating is also especially important spiritually, I know if I'm not chilling with God, or praying, I am going to miss out on so much. The same with fellowship! Encouragement and encouraging is crucial as well as accountability. I just pray that I can always keep learning and being who he wants.

Commendatori

2008-11-17T00:55:00.001-08:00

Recently I began to watch The Sopranos. Why? Because it has won 5/21(nominations) Emmys and a Golden Globe for its 6 seasons and is the most successful Cable Television show, ever. It has been very enthralling and well written. The characters are all believable people that you never want to be, and the only people that you ever feel sorry for are the victims of the main characters. But after 3 seasons I think I'm gonna call it quits; I feel like I'm not learning/getting anything healthy from it, yet have gotten a taste of the effort and art behind it. There's only so many people they can introduce and whack em before it gets old.

To counter-balance the values of loyalty and family in every episode there is in no short supply the amount of breasts and demanding sexual language shown/expressed. The timing of the outbursts are predictable and frequent but the language and actions followed are not. Watching the people's rudeness towards each other brings me sadistic joy.

I don't know why, but I have always felt like a dumbace. It might be because I hung out with constant berating older cousins and classmates that I feel an obligation to have a high spirit of learning. This need to learn has lead me to watch animes, documentaries, and shows which I would know nothing about. IE Go, Boxing, Dolphin Soldiers, Worst Jobs Ever. I find it a waste of time just to watch things now just for entertainment when they're about lame topics or in lame settings. I get that enough watching regular movies! Watch multiple hour long shows of complete made up pulp shi*boop*?, no thanks. When I watch things, I have to walk away with something, knowledge, social commentary, history, random facts, anything!
---

I found this Asian torrent site(requires registration) for Japanese, Korean, Cantonese and Mandarin movies. Despite its low popularity and frequent amount of softcore porn on there; it is very up to date and has the newest movies!

No. I don't download the porn. The only thing worse than Asian porn is Asian porn from Asia.

Even Less Fun

2008-11-05T23:44:00.000-08:00

Obama won, not surprising at all. I will unfairly assume that it is only because of the nations new profound sense of self righteousness which has only expressed its own insecurity of racial equality. I will also unfairly assume a lot of it is in ignorance.

I feel like one of the few people in the world that could care less that Obama is the first black president of the US. How people hype it up is so irritating when there was already Condoleezza Rice(first woman as national security advisor) and Colin Powell, who was from Harlem. It's like their accomplishments are considered nothing to Obama's. Everyone knew it was going to happen one day. There was a black president in the show, 24, and that was realistic enough for me. The Game said it best when he said " fu*boop* Jesse Jackson cause it ain't about race now.

Now that white people have been de-throned it has made me less happy to see what I hope is not an ignorant mass. The embrace of ring-tone rap, soulja boy garbage, have all been telling me that that is not the case. The Krunk Derrtty South style has gone so awry. They add a a few bells and taps, change the pitch of some of the instrumentals, say someone's name for the hook, and bam, million dollars. The peak of materialism and ignorance is at a new apex, showcased by so many rappers and celebrities.

However after watching the 11th hour I feel a little bit better. Even though I shouldn't. Most of the movie was saying how much we were destroying the planet. It kept reminding me of the science fiction movie, Contact.

Panel member: If you were to meet these Vegans, and were permitted only one question to ask of them, what would it be?
Ellie Arroway: Well, I suppose it would be, how did you do it? How did you evolve, how did you survive this technological adolescence without destroying yourself?

The feeling of impending doom is reserved for later generations in my opinion. My children are so boned! The movie showed some new innovations that were more environment friendly and a lot of it was function>fashion stuff. The feeling of efficiency and well thought plans shown made me bust a nut. It was like I was watching Stardust for the first time.

I have been writing a short story for one of my Literature classes, so I have been feeling lyrically drained...thus, lack of posts/quality. ;x

No Fun

2008-10-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

In elementary school, I wished I was white. White girls were hotter (probably since I hardly ever saw any Asians except the late Trini Kwan). There was a white girl named Stephanie that I thought was hot. We were good friends and I would get fresh with her all the time but for some reason I thought since I was Asian, it was like, impossible to git-git-git with her. Like, physically, impossible. It was like they had a square, and I had a sphere. And it didn't fit. We were both geometric shapes, but we could not interact.

There were only about 4 other Asians in my grade and we were discriminated against often. But it all changed in Middle School/Junior High. Mexicans, Blacks and other minorities came on the scene and it was good to have enemies of my enemies. Soon it was white-boy this, white-boy that. Blacks and Whites would fight, then Mexicans on Mexicans, Blacks and Mexicans and it went on. I was a minority and because of that, I was automatically inducted in to the against-white-bois club. No one teased me when I danced or expressively enjoyed rap/hip hop/r&b, because I wasn't white.

While my best friends were all white, it was easy to hold the rest of the race in spite, even though I was in the company of the coolest cats.

Now as I'm in my senior year of college, white privilege is still alive and well, but it's tiring to think about. It's old. It seems like white people are now allowed to enjoy hip hop/rap/r&b without too much whiplash from the African-American sects. The next president is probably Obama, in a few years white people will become the minority, it would seem like the "fight" is over. Except white people will still command most of the wealth of the country. They will be in the tallest buildings with the newest iPods and Nintendo DS's while segwaying somewhere where I hope they will hurt themselves.

It's not fun to discriminate against them anymore. I now enjoy more than ever before the derrtty Southern culture, our hospitality, the crosses on our backs, our cowboy boots, outdoor barbecues and pick up trucks. The racial undertones only adds to the flavor of the South. Maybe I can say all this so proudly because I live in a suburban Dallas... But anyways. The race wars is over, and replaced by class wars. The gap between the richest and poorest grow further even in America. And it only gets worse around the world. Just don't get me started on Yellow Fever.

Racism has always been kind of like the cool thing for me. Of course I don't approve of it and I find it to be one of the most ridiculous institutions, ever. But it interests me to know the history behind the hate. We were all taught to hate something, at sometime(If you're Asian). And I like to know why... Armenian Genocide, Rape of Nanjing, Holocaust, Hutus and Tutsis, Empress Myeongseong's murder/rape, Destruction of Native Americans/Trail of Tears, Hindus in Pakistan, Russians and Germans during WW2, and the list goes on and on.

Guilty Pleasure

2008-10-12T19:54:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been feeling disappointed. A good friend told me lately, a lot of your posts are pretty debbie-downers. It's true. This year has been unlucky and by crediting it with my misfortunes it only seems to be feeding the opposing abyss, like fire fighters spraying gasoline from their high powered hoses onto a burning house.

Even for simple errands, I think of worst case scenarios and end up having plan B's and C's. And often times have to execute Plan D. To list/rant about them would just be giving them too much credit.
---
It is a guilty pleasure if you will. I wait until all the members of my family leave the house, close the blinds, close the door to my room, take off my shirt, get the material out from a drawer and make sure no one is around before I...read. And then when people come home they bust open the door, I fumble around, throwing the book in my drawer, slamming it, rustling papers frantically, and people become suspicious of other activities.

Mother: What...were you uhh...doing?
Me: Nothin, you know... just, lookin'...doing homework.
Mother: Why are you...shirtless?
Me: It's hot.
Mother: It's like 70 degrees...
Me: I just took a shower...
Mother: How come your hair is dry?
Me: I didn't wash it today... I wore a shower cap.
Mother: I didn't know you had one, why are you in the same clothes as earli---
Me: You know what, Mom... I got a test tomorrow, I really need to study.
Mother: I see... well there's food in the fridge...

For a class I have been forced to read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I have finished the first book by listening to about 1/5th of it on audio books, reading 1/5 of it in chapter summaries and then just straight up reading the rest of the 60% of the book. And it is has been a joy in my life, no joke. I feel so nerdy busting a nut thinking this is like the best book since the Bible and The Little Blue Truck. It has soOo many Biblical themes...

Falling into temptation
Knowing your own weaknesses
Humility
Resisting/fleeing temptation
Using the weak to lead the strong
Sacrifice of yourself for your friends
Doing what you must for the greater good
Unconditional love/loyalty
Redemption
You vs the World
Serving 2 Masters
Twisting what has already been created

My annual limit of reading is about a book per year... And I always catch myself asking people what's a library..? what's a read..? So reading is infrequent for me. When people know you read books, they expect you to know things and have an excellent command of the English language, which I have all failed to live up to, a lot. Stopping people midway into their stories to ask what they are alluding to, what a word means, etc... And the bitter taste of these humility sandwiches are as nasty as black jellybeans, the originals.

Friend: Hey George you want to go eat right now?
Me: Nah I uhh... I got to uhh... water my lawn
Friend: Oh, what? Didn't you water it a few days ago?
Me: Yeah, it's real thirsty.

Socially I am in decline, because I secretively read...all day, all night.

Story Dump Trois

2008-10-11T01:37:00.000-07:00

Lately things have been pretty busy, and I am a week behind on this...
This is a conversation I had prior to Taiwan, with a friend of mine.

Me: LOL
Chad: ?
Me: i never thought that something like this'd happen to me.
Me: okay, so today i was supposed to take my final for my music appreciation class, cause i'm leaving wednesday for taiwan
Me: which is like... 2-3 weeks earlier than everyone else
Me: and i just took my midterm, thursday
Chad: lol
Me: and there's no school on fridays
Me: so i had to learn 16 chapters on my own, so i filled out my study guide, with wikipedia/bs'ing/accumulated power point notes in notepad form...
Me: i emailed my answers to her on sunday, so she could check them
Me: she never got back to me, she was expecting it in WebCT
Chad: haha
Me: but i sent it to her real email...so i go in today, we find out why neither of us got our emails, and she checks my answers on the spot
Me: at the end of class
Me: i'm expecting to take my final
Me: she gives a final spiel on what remains of the class
Me: and then is like, what i've seen from your study guide
Me: will count as your final
Me: have a nice trip. i enjoyed having you in my class.
Chad: ...
Chad: I hate you
Chad: I had heart surgery and my teacher's making me take my test
Me: LOL
Chad: you get to go on a fun vacation

He actually had heart surgery and is fully recovered. God Bless him.
Later I checked to see my grade, and I got an A...not that it transfers into my school, but it is an awesome gesture.

Fourty Fo's

2008-09-29T22:34:00.000-07:00

Ever since I returned from my trip to Taiwan I have been hankering for a taste of the good ol' 12-starred nation. However before I left, I preemptively chose Business Chinese as a class for an elective. It sounded easy, no pre-requirements, and since I took Advanced Mandarin-1 in my freshman year, I figured, I got this in-the-bag. And God knows, I've needed a GPA boost since like 7th grade...

So I go in on the first day, feeling pretty confident this class was beneath me... The teacher like the one that taught my freshman Mandarin class was also from mainland China. His English is... understandable and he comprehends pretty well, but his ability to speak/recall words is a bit slow as he hesitates between nouns... It kind of reminds me of Ross from Friends...x3.

Anyways. More than about half the kids in the class are from Taiwan, or grew up speaking Mandarin, and abilities far exceed mine. The other half were of other ethnicities having never spoken a word or very limited Mandarin.

We spend the first day introducing ourselves and then learning the lesson...How to say, ni hao... (hello). Literally, we spend the entire class period on those, two, words. After we thought the worst was over, he would break the words up... and then the syllables. It was like a chopped and screwed remix marathon that radios play at night. Eventually... He began to act the dialogue out...By saying "ni hao", then shaking each of our, hands...All 13 of us.

What was so ironic about this was because his English was so bad, he'd often speak in Mandarin. However, while he was explaining the lesson in Mandarin, he spoke in a level significantly higher than the lesson. So while we were learning level 1 Chinese, he'd speak in like, level 30 Chinese, so to speak... After class, everyone was pissed off for having to pay for such a class...While I smiled. FREE A, BABY! I thought.

Two classes later, after more torture of various forms of 'ni hao'... He introduces a new book. It was in full blown simplified chinese, first chapter is about airports, customs, passports, and taxes. Low and behold, within two class periods the class shrunk down to around nine students with me being the worst student.

I was hesitant to buy the book... it's simplified, I don't want to learn that garbage! I want to learn the full traditional shi-bang. So for days I searched on-campus/off-campus bookstores, and eventually was forced to ordered a used-copy from Amazon. I had to wait about a week before it came and had to share books with fellow-classmates. I felt so turned off by the simplified language I foolishly ignored that class.

When the book came in, I felt so anxious. I chopped it open with an axe, when it was sealed in a manilla envelope. OH BOY, I can finally learn, I thought. Slipped that sucker out, and bam. It was the simplified version... What the fu*boop*! Why is life so hard... I thought. My first thoughts were to give the guy I bought it from some serious lip. But I figured I'd use it first before I returned it until I got the traditional...

Unmotivated and unexcited I got like a 54 on the first quiz(Out of 100). Awesome. A classmate of mine had the traditional, she also ordered it from Amazon...Bitterly I went back and ordered a new copy. I did the homeworks with the used book I bought.

The next week the new copy was delivered. I drove through the cardboard box with chainsaw-ferocity. OH BOY, I can finally learn, I thought. I slipped it out and saw it was once again simplified... My house resembled pretty much any cable-reality tv show when there's an altercation, or Jerry Springer. My mouth became an everlasting fountain of pure phallic imagery, cursing, and overbearing/unreasonable demands from Amazon, the user that sold the book to me and the teacher.
----
A few days later when my rant was over my dad offered to type up the chapter for me in traditional Chinese... I obliged, and then ran it through some online translaters to help me study. This is not bad I thought. He was going back to Taiwan and offered to take the other book and help type things up for me and send them to me. It's the one thing he could teach me, he joked. I was able to study that week.

Next week I get my quiz back... Fourty-four. Nevermind the fact that the test was in simplified, and I was a bit slow in reading it. Nevermind the fact that most of my classmates studied and those that weren't born in Asia still scored below a 70%. Nevermind the fact that those who were already fluent in Mandarin barely finished before the time limit, anyways. And nevermind the fact he disliked our answers to open questions because they were not word for word from the book. However I will mind that he gave us 15-20 minutes for a quiz that was front and back and then said the reason we sucked it up, was because we didn't study. What the fu*boop*.

Story Dump Deux

2008-09-21T17:15:00.000-07:00

Doh It
Before class took my Thursday nights away I used to attend a Christian College Fellowship. In my freshman year it was a fair size of around 15 regulars. My best friend, Mack, agreed to accompany me on the speculation that there would a new set of female faces.

Afterward we would usually hang around and loiter at the venue. While I was catching up with an old friend of mine, Mack for some unbeknown reason was trying to break dance. His handicap was only that he did not know how... he found that his awkward attempts of off-beat jumping and hand shuffling was very discouraging...soon he was just doing Tae Kwon Do moves... Jumping snap-kicks, round houses, inside/outside crescent kicks isolated him from others until ---

Josh: OWWW...aww... my... oww...
Mack: What happened?
Josh: YOU KICKED ME... IN MY GROIN.
Mack: What...I didn't feel a thing. Why would you walk into my kicks, anyways?!
Josh: I didn't! It HURTS!
Mack: Don't be such a girl... I barely touched you...I'm sorry.
Josh: awWw...Ow....

Apparently one of Mack's roundhouses had lightly brushed Josh's scrotum, through his pants. This is awkward, I thought, as the whole room's attention was soon given to the two in the middle. The incident did not die down at all, as Josh continued to complain and give Mack a hard time.

Me: Let him kick you back in the crotch!

I joked. Fully forgetting Mack's extremely masochistic-competitive nature.

Mack: You know what, that's a good idea, here Josh, kick me back.
Josh: ...What..?
Mack: Here, return the favor..!

Mack shifted his footing, spreading the distance between his feet. Mack started taunting Josh with his hands as if he was a wrestler, commanding/demanding sexual innuendo. Oh my God...This is so dumb...But awesome! I thought.

Jason: Hey, tuck your jeans under your feet, so it'll reduce the impact!

Jason chuckled as he commented. Jason was another member.

Mack: That's a good idea..! (Mack smiles as he kicks off his sandal and tucks the ends of his jeans under his heels, and stands on his jeans with his legs spread apart, creating a trampoline-like damage reduction?)
Almost shouting...Mack continued to taunt Josh.

Mack: C'mon, bring it! Doh it.
Josh: uhh... (Josh gets into a good posture but looks very hesitant)
Josh: aww... You sure?
Mack: Doh it!

Mack began chopping his crotch to demonstrate the resilience of his new found impact-mitigating technique.

Mack: Doh it!

The girls came in from outside, finishing their gossip just in time to see Mack, with his legs spread, chopping at his crotch. His taunts became louder and his chops faster and harder until --- *TSHERRR* ... Mack's hand did not come back up for another chop. I had already made my way up to the front row of this show...to see that Mack had chopped a hole into his pants, in front of everyone... Everyone began to laugh, and Mack began to exhibit his boxers to everyone.

Story Dump

2008-09-13T17:07:00.000-07:00

Right now I am currently working on another project and it is eating all of my creativity! But to keep readers truly entertained, I will share some of my favorite stories as the days go by.

Snow Globe
In my freshman year of college I was very open and to hanging out with pretty much anyone. So I accompanied my friend, Anthony, to his friend, Josh's apartment during my free time. We were chilling, checking out his room, admiring how his Cantonese roots have decorated his room. He was wealthy. Binders of burnt games/DVDs/CDs, ace-load of food, condiments, Chinese calligraphy scrolls, jade mini-statues, books, and mysterious files enclosed most of his room except the entrance/exit and the door to the bathroom.

As they were working out their business, and asking for notes/quizzes I fooled around with his trinkets and toys. I must have had a heavily enriched diet that afternoon, because I was very hyper.

I saw a beautiful snow globe on the bottom shelf of one of his cabinets. I picked it up and shook it lightly. I knew if my best friend was there, he would have said I was the biggest pussy cat in the entire Animal Shelter. He would also add that a quadriplegic 10 year old girl would be able to shake it harder than that.

I began to shake it harder and faster like the heaviest salt shaker that had no holes for salt to escape. This would not do, I thought.

So I stood up and widened my stance, slightly wider than shoulder-length apart with my knees, bent and did the most exaggerated vertical dice throwing motion. If Anthony or Josh were close enough they may have been knocked out by my semi-diagonal uppercutting trajectory.

They turn to me dumb-founded as I repeatedly created and kept the biggest blizzard that snow-globe's community has ever seen!

---STOP!!! What the hell are you doing!
Josh took it from my hands. He frowned. I frowned. Anthony was shocked. My snow-globe-shaking-party was over.

Josh: Why the hell would you do that?!

Me: Why wouldn't I; it's a snow globe...

Josh: No, it's not!!!

Wha? What's this FOB talking about? I thought. I looked closer. Slowly and slowly... the snow-flakes were no longer snow-flakes... but rocks, and pebbles. The trees were no longer trees, but algae. I had just shook the shi*boop* out of an ecosphere. My tone was soon apologetic, after Anthony explained to me what it was. Meanwhile...

Josh: Oh my God, they're all gone... all dead! As I felt like a murderer, I took it from him and we all examined my infliction of a natural disaster. One by one, those red shrimps surfaced through the debris.

Me: See, no biggie... I said as I sighed with relief.

Josh: There's supposed to be 7! There's only 6!

Oh God.

Commencer

2008-09-07T01:46:00.001-07:00

There was once a boy named Hong Hai Er(紅孩兒) who had no friends. But we will call him Red. A lot of his classmates were acquaintances; they would not share their crayons with him, and he would most definitely not invite them to his birthday party of 1000 people, either. Red was the type of boy who would only be loved by his Mother. Many of the kids picked on him because of his name, dimensions and race. So on a lonely night as Red hugged his Friend Bear (Carebear with flowers on her stomach), he prayed to God for a friend.

“If there was a God, he’d send me a friend.”

The next day a girl named Steph was a new student to their school. Coincident or not, Red refused to befriend her, she was a girl and had a peculiar Vietnamese accent. Vietnamese or not, girls had coodies and Red did not want _any_ of that all up on his body.

Because they were both considered foreign students they were put into ESL/ESOL classes and saw each other often. Hostilities naturally grew between them when (platonic) love did not.

Red made fun of her a lot, to the point where he would have to have an awkward reconciliation with her almost 5 years later. He would learn that he had scarred her deeply as she did have problems with her father and just recently moving to a place where she too had no friends did not help. But that lesson of guilt is for another time.

As if a panther waiting for vulnerable moments to pounce his prey, Red would wait for moments to slip in sly comments and hurtful statements. With an arsenal of a mouth and words like daggers it felt good to drop the heaviest of disses on Steph. Each tear she shed made him feel like he won a thousand dollars. And everyday he’d feel like a millionaire.

But as schools changed Red hardly saw her. Good riddance. He thought.

Years later, still feeling companion-less he tried it out again.

“ If there was a God, he'd send me another friend.”

The next day there was Kim, 6th grade, a Korean girl on the verge of turning A-Z-N. Red refused to talk to her too; she was _real_ frumpy, and once again a girl. He only saw her a few times a week and he figured it was a wasted effort. Her blunt and belligerent attitude scared him as well. So Red, dismissed any thoughts of reaching out…Fu*boop* that. He thought.

As time went on, Red felt empty and watched as Steph and Kim became skinnier, prettier and more popular each year. However his pride would not let that get the best of him, when he heard rumors of things like “anal itching cream” and the sort, it only reinforced his thoughts of staying away from them and how much better off he was without them.

At the beginning of Junior High school. ---Red says.

“ If there was a God, he'd send me…more friends.”

He went to class the next day and found Nami and Leslie in his first period AP English class. They sat in the back behind him. Feeling like he should befriend them, he was but too afraid. Affirmation and appreciation was not received often by Red so insecurities ran high and shyness was never lacking. Though they were also all in the same Orchestra for a long time together he returned their pleasantries but never really spoke to them or tried to get to know them.

Red’s tenure was plentiful with empty companionship from his computer. For years it went on, and Red fattened, and became sociably worse. No proms. No banquets. No hanging out. Though the truth was that he didn’t bother trying to find a date…but he also didn’t have people to go with, or a car to take him anywhere.

While others reminisce about high school in the future Red will never be able to share in it.

All grown up at the age of 18, holding Friend-Bear tightly as it soaked up all his tears, Red says…

“If there was a God, he’d send me…even more friends.”

Feeling like he should finally apply the lessons he learned he decided to be more outgoing and treat others like he would like to be treated. Though Red was socially and emotionally stunted in growth, his long enduring pain of loneliness and the extended period to play by himself, created a strange character out of him. His sense of humor and creativity amused others and attracted friends and strangers.

There was free food that night. Red half awakened by the noise at 8PM while holding his sponge of tears, Friend Bear, sees the pizza from his window. He kicked out his front door and scurried downstairs. He greeted all his acquaintances and loaded up his plate with pizza, and stands right next to the boxes so he can refill immediately. It was all for quicker efficiency before those other ignoramuses could take his pizza, Red made sandwiches out of the pizza, using pizza as the meat and bun. He’d take the biggest bites he could and swallow, chewing as little as possible, if at all.

Red was not fond of the food…

Man this tastes like a bucket of jiz.----“Hi… I’m Luke. “

Can’t talk, eating. Red thought, but said…“Oh, hi, I’m Red…”

"!...My friends told me about you… they said you’re really funny and that I should be looking out for you… “ There stood Luke, shirtless, wet from the pool, and shoulder to shoulder sandwiched between two women that made even the oldest of heads turn and the coldest of blood boil.

Many people would not be surprised if they heard Luke actually washed clothes on his abs, which he did. Or that he slept on a pile of beautiful women, which he denies, but is true. His body was so chiseled and sculpted that it looked like he should be bleeding from multiple parts of his body.

So that was how Red met Luke. As time progressed Red was becoming better friends with the few that came with him to the local college from his high school. As Red went to sleep a few months later, holding a moldy and tear-stained Friend-Bear he thought to himself…

If there was a God, he has shown himself to me.